Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Supergirl pilot is bad and dumb.

These are my observations as I watched it.

Terrible CGI.

Not a great acting start, but I assume these are all temps anyway.

The exposition dump just keeps going.

Dean Cain!

"Earth didn't need another hero." Because no more crimes or disasters happen? What planet is this?

Oh good, the platonic best friend that's in love with the main character. This overused trope shouldn't be a red flag warning sign or anything...

Calista Flockhart! But who was she talking to in the elevator? Nobody?

Her goal is to blend in, but she uses her superhearing so frequently that people have started to notice?

Who talks back to their boss like that?

Oh, it's The Devil Wears Prada. That's never been done before. Sarcasm.

Ms Grant's office is full of televisions that all face her back. Why? They're too close for her to see if she turns around.

Not going to talk about Jimmy Olsen. There's just too much.

Kara doesn't know anything about her own cousin. OK.... The ONLY two kryptonions on the planet, and they never speak? Even though she has memories of their home, and he doesn't. He has years of experience on Earth that he doesn't bother to pass on either? That totally makes perfect sense. Especially since it would take them so long to meet up, living in different cities and all. Oh, nearly instant you say? Also there's the Internet and telephones? Hrmm.

More exposition dump.

She hasn't flown in years? Any reason why not? No? Just ... ok.

WHY did her sister show up only to leave immediately? Why did she show up at all? To dump exposition and leave?


Amazing coincidence with the news broadcast.

I remember this trying-to-fly scene from Kiki's Delivery Service, where it was excellent.


It gets worse as the scene goes on.

It's such good luck that the plane happened to crash directly below a news helicopter.

"Guardian Angel or human wrecking ball?" The backlash isn't supposed to happen until the news has already milked the good feelings from the story. This is completely unrealistic.

"Flying feels amazing!" Why hadn't she flown for so long again? Still no explanation?

"You exposed yourself to the world!" So did her cousin, already. So... why not?

This dialog is so dumb. So completely dumb. I'm getting dumber watching it.

16 minutes in and they're still showing credits. Just saying.

Jumping off the roof is the only thing she could think of to show off her abilities? Not, you know, floating in a closet, or bending metal, or something that doesn't show off her abilities in a public place where people can see? There are other taller buildings nearby. Also, secret identity is supposed to be important, I thought? No? Tell everyone immediately? OK.

"Can you believe it? A female hero!" Oh good, her gender is going to be the focus of the plot.

'Our guns are doing nothing, better stand still and wait for her to come beat us up.'

The DEO has her ship? She didn't know where her ship was? How did she let this happen?

We use transparent plastic with print on it, instead of paper, because this is a high tech secret organization. Ugh.

'I can't believe you didn't tell me you worked for a super secret organization!' That's... uh.... that's how super secret organizations are supposed to work. You're not supposed to talk about them, even with your alien sister.

Who talks to her boss like this?!

"I'm a girl." 50 year old Calista Flockhart delivers this line with a completely straight face. It's amazing. Cat Grant is the highlight of this show. I'm not even joking. It's frustrating that Supergirl isn't remotely as interesting.

The villain broadcasts on a frequency that's painful for supergirl? That's a pretty major weakness that anyone with the proper equipment would be able to exploit.

"On my planet, females bow before males." Oh good, more sexism. That's definitely what I want from my superhero shows. Definitely make gender a major focal point. Sarcasm sarcasm.

These effects are awful. Just.... awful. That is all.

"I'd never felt pain..." She spent her childhood on Krypton though, right? She wasn't super then.

That truck must have a pretty bad steering problem, for him to be turning that wheel back and forth so much. It's like how a child pretends to drive.

His axe lands directly next to him. This show is full of amazing coincidences.

I'm sure that shot where she stands in front of the exploding truck is supposed to look bad ass, but it just reminds me how bad the effects are.

"She's not strong enough." "Why, because she's just a girl?" No, because she fought this guy already and lost because she wasn't strong enough. The gender focus detracts from this show tremendously.

"Because she's just a girl? That's exactly what we're counting on." WHAT DOES THIS LINE EVEN MEAN? How does her being a girl help?

Agent Danvers dumps exposition about the villain's axe, something that really should have been mentioned to her boss way before this.

Supergirl has super speed, right? But didn't grab the axe when she had plenty of time to do so.

Villain keeps hitting her with the axe HANDLE instead of the blade, or punches her, because although he wants to kill her, he doesn't want the fight seen to be too short? Huh?

'Stop I give up, I don't want to die, I'm just a helpless girl' Great role model.

"Kara, do it now!" Supergirl doesn't know when to heat vision the axe. Wait, heat visioning the axe was the plan? Something she could do from a distance at any time? Why did she wait until she's pinned down? Was she really waiting for her sister to tell her when? In which case, why did Agent Danvers wait so long? Nothing in this scene follows logical sense.

He's shown repeatedly that he's strong enough to throw supergirl around, so why didn't he do that at any time in the 20 seconds it took for her to heat vision the axe? It's not like he was focused on anything else at the time. Everything about this is stupid.

Villain commits suicide, because....? Because she can't kill him, but they need to get rid of the character, and the writers aren't very creative.

Olsen's "Meet me on the roof" dubbed voice is so blatantly not part of the original scene. It makes me wonder: How many times was the pilot reworked? Because, it's still not working.

DANG these effects are bad. Just, it's incredible how bad.

How super disappointing. That is all.