Tuesday, January 31, 2006

[Link] Don't Waste Gravity!

About the American Society for the Conservation of Gravity

The Society was formed by a group of concerned citizen-scientists who felt the need to alert the public to mankind's ultimate disaster. The incessant irresponsible squandering of man's most precious terrestrial resource by an unthinking, unknowing populace has to be stopped!

Consider the following:
  1. The United States, with only 6% of the world's population, uses 59% of its gravity.
  2. A single moon rocket launching uses more gravity in a few moments than the entire world used during all of the 18th century.
  3. The Sears Tower in Chicago (103 elevators!!) uses as much gravity in one day as fifty Mount Everest expiditions.
  4. Air Freight is becoming acceptable in many parts of the country.
  5. Outside of our society there are no programs to develop alternatives, such as synthetic gravity, artificial gravity, or new gravity mines.
These five items (from a list of dozens in our files) should cause anyone to stop and think -- "What will happen to me when our gravity is gone?" The answer is obvious. The unprotected citizen, caught in the open with no lag bolt or other protection, is doomed. The lucky person who awakes one morning and finds himself bumping gently against the bedroom ceiling will be thankful he wasn't camping out. Birds will have to learn to fly upside-down to get back to their nests. Rabbits, kangaroos, and children on pogo sticks will disappear in a trice. Shoppers will be forced to stand in line to have their potatoes weighed while the gravity supply for the scale builds up.

A gruesome picture? It is indeed! Can something be done? It can, and the American Society for the Conservation of Gravity is doing it. Our activities fall into three broad categories:
  1. Public Awareness Programs
  2. Scientific Action Projects
  3. Community Reaction and Publicity
Examples of our PAP programs are our posters and our bumper sticker. The Schaumburg Research Lab is our most famous SAP, while our newsletter is our most widespread CRAP. These worthy activities, conducted entirely without government intervention or support, are the only things which are presently standing between mankind and oblivion.

The Society has, in fact, established a policy of avoiding governmental sponsorship. We can envision the establishment of the Department of Gravity, with a twenty-billion dollar budget, thousands of bureaucrats, consultants and ne'er-do-well politicians. Even then, our gravity would undoubtedly all end up in Georgia, complete with a totally incomprehensible tax and coupon system. Our Society feels that this problem is a matter best handled by the intelligent individual. We urge you to do your part. A few easy steps, taken by enough concerned people, will suffice to stave off disaster. We urge you to support the Society, join in its activities, teach your friends and neighbors what they can do, and above all, conserve our most precious terrestrial resource.

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