Dreams (Geeky Comic)

Sadly, I really identify with this one. :-/

Merry Christmas!

A great Basic Instructions repeat, but the best part about it is the comments. A number of people complained that his wife looked too much like a lesbian (because of her short hair?), so in a subsequent comic, he replaced her with Portia de Rossi*, the gorgeous actress that has appeared in Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, and wife of Ellen DeGeneres.

*In looking for this link, I found nude pictures of Portia. Man I love the Internet!

The Fitness Direct Fiasco (Ch 4)

(Continued from Chapter Three)

Andy responded again:

Hi Phoenix,
My point was that we get our descriptions from the manufacturer's website, hence the mix of information on our website. This was a mixup on the listing, not an intentional effort to dupe you into buying something and shipping you another.

This is not the first time that Andy has blamed "the manufacturer".

Here's the problem with that: I did some searching, and FOUND the actual product that the fake description came from, the Multisports CC-755R. But... Multisports and Stamina are DIFFERENT MANUFACTURERS. The only common link they have in this mess is FITNESS DIRECT.

So, which manufacturer was it, Andy? Because there are TWO.

I have actually been out of the office with my family for the last 2 days and came back this morning to an inbox full of messages, one of which was Mark's message that you called.

That's all VERY RELEVANT. You've been out of the office with your family for the last 2 days? Oh, well then, forget the whole fraud thing you pulled on me.

I really had no idea about the error in information on the listing until after I sent you the email.

Even though you were specifically told to check the website first. Got it.

Once I discovered the error, I had my web guy get it corrected so we did'nt have more disappointed customer's like you.

It's GOOD that you took down the fake description, but you failed to inform me that you had discovered the error. (Notice how I resist mentioning the use of apostrophes? You have no idea how much willpower this is taking)

However, like I mentioned in the email, we have no problem bringing back the bike seeing the errors on the listing. I think you would agree that if we were purposely trying to mislead, we would'nt be so forthright in trying to correct the error. We have employees adding new products everyday, so unfortunately these things do happen.

Yes, claiming to have no idea why I was having a problem was very forthright. Blaming the "manufacturer" is very forthright. Blaming your employees is very forthright.

Oh, wait, what's the opposite of forthright again?

I definitely apologize for the error and the inconvenience, but I don't like to be accused of doing something illegal, when that was just not the case.

Deceit and Fraud are very clearly defined in California. Perhaps I should forward you the pages I found regarding this?

You can search the web and you will find nothing but positive comments about our company and that is something of which I take great pride.

Well, maybe this small blog post will get indexed some day, and then some future customer won't have to deal with this whole headache like I did. Speaking of which, iFitnessDirect and eFitnessDirect are the same company. Just so you know, Internet.

I'll issue the Fedex call-tag ASAP and confirm the pick-up with you. Typically, the box can just be left on your porch and they will bring the label and make the pick-up.

Regards,
Andy

I...what? The box? Apparently Andy has missed the part in my previous correspondence where I asked him to make arrangements to pick up the FULLY ASSEMBLED bike, as per my credit card company's instructions.

Anyway, this wasn't my actual response (I think I was more polite in the real e-mail, although I did request that Andy not be the one to contact me anymore), but this whole handling of the situation makes my blood boil.

Just OWN UP TO THE ERROR! Say "Hey, we fucked up! How can we make it right?" Don't feign ignorance. Don't blame the "manufacturer". Don't blame your employees. Don't blame spending time with your family. Don't ignore what I tell you. Andy has taken this small error and compounded it with deceit and incompetence. I'm beginning to believe that he is INCAPABLE of being honest.

To be continued...?

The Fitness Direct Fiasco (Ch 3)

(Continued from Chapter Two)

I then received an e-mail from Andy Grenz (the e-commerce manager), which stated (in full, direct copy-pasta):

Hi Phoenix,
Thanks again for your purchase. What are you finding to be different about the bike than the listing? YThis is a new product and I think the manufacturer has mixed up the details on a few of their models. They have this unit at $299, the 7200 at $399 and the 7300 at $499.

Just let me know if you would like to return the unit, let me know when you have it back in the box and I'll send Fedex out to get it.

Sorry for the mixup.
Regards,
Andy

What did I find to be different about the bike than the listing? Did he even CHECK the listing?

Andy helpfully included the e-mail to him from Mark Goodman (president, and I think the guy I spoke with on the phone):

From: Mark Goodman
Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:34 PM
To: 'Andy Grenz'
Subject: Pls contact this guy ASAP
Importance: High

Stamina Fusion 7100 bike - problems....
He says it is different to what is described on website !!
Please double-check the website before you contact him.

How could he have checked the listing and not noticed what was wrong? I went back to the product page...

HE HAD CHANGED IT.

He removed the fake description and put in the real one (still with minor errors, I see). Then he pretended that nothing was wrong.

Can I borrow your phone? I need to call BULLSHIT.

I also needed to call my credit card company, which I did. I let them know everything that happened. Well, in order to do a chargeback, they normally need me to send the product back to the seller. HOWEVER, because the product is so large in this case (and not at all easily disassembled), and because the seller sold it to me under false pretenses, I only have to allow them to make arrangements to pick up the fully-assembled bike. I let Andy know all of this.

But now, it has gone from a simple mistake on a web page (which was still constructive fraud since they profited from their error), to a cover-up. Andy changed the web page and then pretended to be unable to find the error. Now, he *CLAIMS* that he wrote that e-mail to me BEFORE he saw the web page (despite being specifically told to look at the page FIRST), but if so, WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME WHAT HE FOUND? If he found out later, and still failed to follow up with me, the effect is the same: suppression of the truth (aka, actual fraud).

That's right, Andy tried to fix his constructive fraud with ACTUAL FRAUD.

At this point, I feel obligated to report this to the appropriate authorities.

Continueto Chapter Four: The Excuses...

The Fitness Direct Fiasco (Ch 2)

(Continued from Chapter One)

It arrived a few days ago, and I excitedly set about assembling it. ^_^

You know that saying, about how, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is? Yeah.

The Stamina Magnetic Fusion 7100 is a piece of shit. A piece of poorly constructed shit that I could have gotten from Walmart for $100 less.

The ACTUAL features the bike came with didn't even remotely come close to the promised features on the web page.

Claim:	Fact:	True?
* Wireless and contact pulse rate	No Wireless	No
* Self-powered generator system	4 AA batteries	No
* Super smooth dual poly V-belt technology	Nope	No
* Extra large seat with high density contoured pads and lumbar support	Small seat, low density padding, not contoured, no lumbar support.	No
* Aluminum rail for precision and smoothness, 24 positions	9 positions.	No
* Side and front handlebars	TRUE!	Yes
* Self balancing pedals with wide, adjustable straps	Straps that snap on and don't come off.	No
* Front transport wheels	Single wheel.	No
* 350 lbs Maximum user weight	300 lbs, according to the manual.	No
* Workout Programs: Pre-Set Programs	TRUE!	Yes
* Accessibility: Walk Through Design	TRUE!	Yes
* Maximum User Weight: 350.00 lbs	Still 300 lbs, no matter how many times they say otherwise.	No
* Power Requirement: Self generated power	Take self to store, self purchase 4 AA batteries.	No
* Dimensions: 65" x 24" x 48"	Maybe?	Yes?
* Large LCD Window	Tiny LCD window	No
* Console Feedback: Time, Speed, Distance, Heart Rate, Calories, Watt, RPM	Yes for time, speed, distance, heart rate, calories. NO for watt, RPM.	No
* Programming: Manual, 12 Pre-Set Programs, Target Program Setting: Time, Distance, or Calories, Target HR Program, 16 levels of Resistance	SIX (6!) pre-set programs. No target programs for time, distance, or calories. NO TARGET HR PROGRAM. 8 levels of resistance.	No
* Frame: 10 Years	Frame: 5 Years	No
* Parts: 1 Year	Parts: 90 days!	No

It was still during Fitness Direct's posted business hours, so I called them right up, but there was no answer.

I called again the following day, and when I did finally get through, the man I spoke to wouldn't talk about the bike at all, but he did take down my contact information and promised that someone would get hold of me soon.

Continue to Chapter Three: The Response...

The Fitness Direct Fiasco (Ch 1)

The term is over, and now I have free time to post again. ^_^

I've been wanting a recumbent exercise bike since I moved into my new apartment (I don't live within walking distance of the gym anymore). They are quite pricey, however, especially if you want any special features.

The killer feature I wanted was a target-heart-rate setting. That's pretty much the only setting I use on the bikes at the gym anyway. But, the lower-price bikes don't seem to have it, even if they have heart-rate monitors.

So, I couldn't find one locally in my budget range. I had looked into buying one online, but the shipping costs were a deal breaker.

Then I found iFitnessDirect. Free shipping to anywhere in the US? I'm sold! (Also based in a different state so no taxes [at time of purchase], and they had a discount code that knocked another $15 off)

On their site, I found the Stamina Magnetic Fusion 7100. The features list was incredible!

FEATURES:

• Wireless and contact pulse rate
• Self-powered generator system
• Super smooth dual poly V-belt technology
• Extra large seat with high density contoured pads and lumbar support
• Aluminum rail for precision and smoothness, 24 positions
• Side and front handlebars
• Self balancing pedals with wide, adjustable straps
• Front transport wheels
• 350 lbs Maximum user weight
• Workout Programs: Pre-Set Programs
• Accessibility: Walk Through Design
• Maximum User Weight: 350.00 lbs
• Power Requirement: Self generated power
• Dimensions: 65" x 24" x 48"

Console:

• Large LCD Window
• Console Feedback: Time, Speed, Distance, Heart Rate, Calories, Watt, RPM
• Programming: Manual, 12 Pre-Set Programs, Target Program Setting: Time, Distance, or Calories, Target HR Program, 16 levels of Resistance

WARRANTY:

• Frame: 10 Years
• Parts: 1 Year

All for under $300! I placed my order.

Continue to Chapter Two: The Bike Arrives...

I Hate Computers

So I had downloaded a rather large iso file I need for the project that is due today in (looks at clock) less than 8 hours. 8 hours? F#(%.

The reason I needed to reboot (in the previous post) was because I was having some difficulties with Daemon Tools. It took several reboots and several tool downloads (and several hours, since that post was three hours ago), and eventually I just scrapped it in favor of the free MagicDisk from MagicISO. Reboot, reboot, reboot...

Finally, it was up and running, and it was at THIS point that I discovered that the corrupted Daemon Tools installation had WIPED OUT THE ISO. Just wrote over it. It's gone. 3.3GB that I get to download AGAIN.

3.3GB!

So angry right now...

Download will take another two hours. Which will leave me with just 6 hours to get it installed and make the things I need for the project. Awesome.

...and THAT is why you don't put things off until the last minute. (Also, don't use Daemon Tools)

Shooting My Canon

I've been wanting an HV30 camcorder for a while now, and even ordered it at one point. Unfortunately for me, I ordered it through a bait-and-switch company, so I didn't get it.

Well, recently a "Cyber Monday" deal brought the price down to $550. Cheap! Even the bait-and-switch price had been higher than that. Plus a Live Search cashback offer would give me back another 2%. And no taxes. And free shipping.

Additionally, I had recently discovered some things about my credit cards. For example, my MasterCards added extended warranties to my purchases automatically (Visa requires you to register your purchases with them, and only if your service agency covers it). So it would double the 1-year warranty on the HV30 at no cost to me. ALSO one of my MasterCards has a 6% interest. 6%! (Not that I often carry a balance, but still) [This is my new primary card.]

It was time to buy.

In addition to the HV30, I added a Canon DM-50 directional microphone and a Modo Steady 585 camera support, all at B&H Photo-Video, all with 2% cashback.

The only thing left to do was log in to my credit card site, make sure all of my information was up to date, and link it to my checking account (I don't like to make purchases unless I know for sure how it's going to be paid for). Ideally, there will also be an auto-pay option that I can set up so I never ever miss a payment.

Let's see, click login, put in my info, hit enter...

System Unavailable

The system is currently unavailable. Please contact customer service.

Huh. That's weird. Try again....

System Unavailable

The system is currently unavailable. Please contact customer service.

Hmm. :-( That's not good. I want to buy this camera (who knows how long this deal will last?) but I won't do it until I link my credit card account with my bank account. I can't.

So, I wait a few hours and try again and

System Unavailable

The system is currently unavailable. Please contact customer service.

Grr. A few hours later, the same thing. Late into the evening/early morning, the same thing.

Frustrated, I go to bed.

When I awoke, I immediately panicked. Was the sale over? Rushing to the computer I found, no, it was still the same price. Hey, maybe this is just the new price? It is December, after all. The new HV model should drop next month, with even BETTER features (but a higher price tag). And they're probably clearing out stock before the end of the fiscal year. I relaxed, logged in to my credit account and

System Unavailable

The system is currently unavailable. Please contact customer service.

DAMMIT! Why is this happening? I can't link my credit card to my checking accout via customer service.

So I forget about it and go back to work. It's final-projects week (I'm waiting for a download to finish so I can reboot, which is why I'm writing this instead of working on that right now). Many hours later, I needed to wait for a download to finish so I could reboot (hey!) and with nothing else to do, I tried (again) to log in to my credit card account and HEY! IT WORKED! Hooray!

Time to checkout!

Oh, it's after midnight and the sale is over. The HV30 went up $40.

And there is no auto-pay.

:-(

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal REVISITED

Hey, remember when I said "If you have a webcomic, please, put Oh No Robot in your template"? Well, you should since it was only a few days ago!

Well, he DID. (Below the comic, the Dec. 2nd news)

It's like I'm some sort of god...

A Warning RE: Emergency Credit Cards

If you're like me, you have an emergency, last-resort, not-for-use credit card reserved in case you really, really need it. Right?

Maybe not.

I just found out that my emergency, last-resort, not-for-use credit card account was closed. For inactivity.

No notification. No warning. Apparently, they're sending me notification as we speak, but I found out when I logged in to my attached bank account.

So, my total credit line is now ~$10,000 shorter than it was before (though, this could explain why my credit score went back up to 800 recently).

Anyway, the point is, if you DO have an emergency, last-resort, not-for-use credit card, you better actually use it every now and again.

UPDATE(s):

I'm going through my credit cards and updating the addresses to my new apartment. I'm discovering even MORE closed accounts.

Credit line is now ~$12,000 shorter.
Credit line is now ~$20,000 shorter.
Credit line is now ~$23,000 shorter.
Credit line is now ~$??? shorter - I found two more closed accounts, but their customer service isn't open 24/7, so I have to wait until morning to find out what their credit limits were. I will also likely close another account (only $500 limit @ 21.19%! For comparison, my daily-use card is @ 6.09%).

On a related note, that previous trick for making free calls has been *VERY* useful. I can't call out from my home phone (not even 800 numbers), but I can receive calls... ^_^ There's no way I could have afforded paying for all these calls with my cell.

How to make free long-distance calls UPDATED (AGAIN)

In a semi-continuation of my previous post, how to score all the free Starbucks coffee you want, now I'll tell you how to make all the free long-distance calls you want.

To be absolutely zero cost, you'll need three things for this:

1. A phone line from which you can receive incoming calls for free
2. A computer connected to the Internet
3. A Grandcentral account

It may be difficult to get a zero-cost phone line, but perhaps you already have one and don't realize it. Have a phone at work? That'll do. Have pure-Internet DSL? You might have a phone line attached to it. I can't make long-distance calls from either my home or work phones, not directly, but I CAN receive incoming calls, which is the important thing.

Second is an Internet connection you can access, which again isn't free. Although, I do have a free connection at work, and there are a number of open Wi-Fi access points around my apartment. Since you're not going to be browsing around the web or downloading anything, it shouldn't be too terrible to jump on someone else's connection for just a moment. Dial-up is right out, though, since you need that phone line to be open (unless you have two+ phone lines, in which case it's fine).

The most difficult of the three to get will be the Grandcentral account. Grandcentral is a fantastic service that is currently free (although they have stated that some features may become for-fee once it leaves beta, but now that Google owns them...).

So, if you don't already have a Grandcentral number (and why not?), head on over to grandcentral.com and reserve one. You'll have to spend some time on the waiting list, but you should get through eventually. Then come back here.

Got one? OK, the feature you're going to use is called Click2Call. From your call log, or messages tab, or address book, you'll be able to see CALL buttons next to the phone numbers of your contacts. Click that, and you'll get a prompt with your phone numbers on it.

Pick a phone number, Grandcentral will call you, and when you pick up it will call your contact.

Even if that is a non-local number.

On George's suggestion, I googled a restaurant in Toronto, Canada, and tried the same trick with them. I got through, no problem. So, technically, this is a way to make free international long distance calls too. However, when I tried a number in Japan, it didn't work, so you're limited to the US and Canada. Still, more than worth the price of admission ($zero).

UPDATE:

Having had to recently make a brazillion calls this way, I found a much easier method. Previously, I was editing an account to point to the number I wanted to call, then calling it. But you have to edit the account again FOR EVERY NUMBER. When you must make many such calls, it quickly becomes a pain in the ass.

SO! Now I call myself.
I select my own address book entry, call my home phone, and input the number I want to call as the temporary number I'm calling from.

Now, if I were to try to do this when calling an actual person, it would be a bit strange. Their phone would ring, it would pick up, they'd hear my phone ring, then I'd pick up. But, since I'm calling automated systems, it's no problem. Although, I DO miss the first part of the menu sometimes.

OH! I just thought of a wonderful terrible prank. ^_^ Obviously, it starts with picking two random numbers from the phone book...

Hello, clever people. So, pick two random phone numbers. Put one in your address book, and call it.... from the other (temporary number). These people are going to have no idea what's going on. Guy A picks up his phone, it then calls another person (Girl 1), who wants to know why Guy A is calling. Guy A is very confused; someone called HIM! Argument ensues. Give them a minute or so, then do it again. And then again. That's the mean part. Here's the EVIL part: Switch the numbers. Now Girl 1 is calling Guy A. Even GREATER confusion ensues. And now here's the drawback: Each person will be getting YOUR number on their caller ID, so you're not going to be too hard to track down. ^_^

Update Again:
Now that GrandCentral is Google Voice, they took this little trick and put it right on the front page, with a simple button to press. They even tell you about it in the FAQ. So much for trickery, eh? (There's also super-cheap international calling. 2 cents/minute to Japan? Really?*)

[*Update again, again: No, not really. Japan is up to 3 cents/minute, and Canada is no longer free it's now 1 cent/minute. Darn economy!]

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

I have to admit, I'm a fan. SMBC (by Zach Weiner) is one of the funniest webcomics I've seen, and it's updated so frequently! Unlike some comics. (PBF, I'm looking at you)

(Remember to hover over the red dot for a bonus votey-comic)

Pickup Lines that don't work
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=659#comic
(There are a lot of these, but there's no text index so I couldn't find the others. If you have a webcomic, please, put Oh No Robot in your template.)

As a former English teacher, I identified with these
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=709#comic
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1079#comic

As a computer scientist, I identified with this one
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1169#comic

As a person with both a penis and an Internet connection, I identified with this one
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1187#comic

For George
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=769#comic

About religion
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=54#comic
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=390#comic

About MY religion
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=798#comic
(scroll down to see the future of creationism vs evolution)

Whenever I see these, I think of my vegetarian friends
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=366#comic
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=424#comic
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=869#comic

You can't argue with math
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1023#comic

Also, here is Zach (on the left) with Marty, demonstrating Marty's newest magic trick for the iPhone.
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(also, YouTube has widescreen now?)

As You Wish

This comic made me feel old.

(Also, 222 more posts until the jackpot)

Downloading Often Is Terrible

Show/Hide

This has been up for almost a month, and I'm just hearing about it now?

I Hate Stupid People

So, this great site called "Let me google that for you" showed up on Digg. I *LOVE* this site. You can get a URL that will take someone to an animated page where it types in their query and presses submit and sends them to the Google search results. Fantastic!

Then, in the comments, someone suggested this link. It's a LMGTFY link that takes them to the JFGI site. JFGI is another great site for people tired of asking them questions they could be asking Google. Brilliant!

But the long URL gives it away, so I wanted to make a TinyURL. A handy new feature of TinyURL is that you can specify the codeword in the link. So, instead of http://tinyurl.com/6p8z8q I could have something like http://tinyurl.com/lmgtfy EXCEPT I CAN'T.

Someone (quazerjim) took that URL already. It looks like they wanted it to be a recursive call to LMGTFY. But they failed, oh so miserably.

FIRST of all, Google doesn't index redirects. SO, it was never going to work anyway.

SECOND, they didn't type in the query correctly! Did they even TRY? CHECK YOUR LINKS, PEOPLE!

lmgfty was taken, jfgi was taken... Sheesh.

I did manage to get a SnipURL though:
http://snipr.com/lmgtfy
Should be easy enough to remember, if you ever need it.

Grad School II

How to tell when you're ready for Grad school: When you realize that you've had all the sleep you're ever going to want to have.

How to get free Starbucks drinks

Short version:

1. Buy a Gold card and a drink. Pay $25.
2. Return Gold card. Get $25.
3. Go to step 1.
   

Long version:
Starbucks has a new Gold card. It costs $25, and you get 10% off your drinks for a year (and some other benefits, like access to the wifi). Also, you get a free drink when you buy it.

Most importantly, you have 30 days to return it if you change your mind.

I know this, because I thought that the Gold cards were like the regular Starbucks cards, where you pay $25, and you have a $25 credit on the card. Well, that's not the case. When I found that out, I returned my Gold card, but they of course did not charge me for the drink they gave me when I got it. So, free Starbucks. ^_^

Offer good while supplies last, or until they close this loophole.

Peta

I'm offended by Peta, so I don't talk about them much. But recently this comment by RogerStrong showed up on Digg.

I have a personal theory that PETA is run by the meat industry.

An ad campaign a few years ago demeaned murdered women in B.C. A PETA billboard in Boston compared the suffering of cattle to that of Jews in Nazi Germany. They tried to put up a billboard in Santa Fe featuring a pig with the caption: "He Died for Your Sins."

A popular and respected animal rights movement would lead to higher and more expensive standards for raising farm animals. To prevent this, they've created an organization with so much disgraceful publicity that the term "animal rights group" becomes synonymous with "a bunch of wingnuts."

PETA repeatedly attacks groups like the March of Dimes, the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, and the American Cancer Society for conducting animal testing to find cures for birth defects and life-threatening diseases. They've urged Yasser Arafat to spare animals in suicide bombings, with no concern for the humans who were being killed.

This keeps rational people away from the animal rights cause. If PETA didn't exist, the beef and pork industries would be smart to create an organization just like them.

3rd Cutest

My Internet travels have lead me to the third* cutest kid on the planet (and possibly a future dictator):
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*The first being my nephew and the second being Capucine**

**Via Thomas' site.

Ben takes a photo of himself everyday

'A take-off on the recent "____ takes a picture of ___self for __years" trend.' Of the bunch, this one is my favorite, for reasons that become obvious when you watch it. I can't believe I haven't posted this already.
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