Wednesday, February 02, 2005

NJ: Nerd Time

If you're not a computer nerd and/or a Kevin Smith fan, you can skip this post entirely. I know I'm posting a bit early for my recent pattern of every-two-weeks, but I was reading this today at work, and laughed out loud. No big deal, unless you work in Japan, in a room full of reserved co-workers. Anyway, there was a post on Slashdot with the title "18 Live Linux CDs -- In A Row". [For the non-nerds who didn't leave when I warned them, 'Live Linux' is a fully functional version of Linux which you do not need to install. You just pop the CD in and restart your computer. It's often used by people who are new to Linux and wish to try it without installing it. See also:]

This led to some creative posts (because of the 'in a row' tag), which I will combine here, filling in gaps as needed I have to thank IntelliTubbie (29947), madmancarman (100642), the enigmatic Anonymous Coward, and, which had the (slightly inaccurate) script which allowed me to fill in the blanks.

Now we go to the scene, already in progress:

Imagine instead of Dante and Veronica, a conversation between Klaus Knopper and Pamela Jones of Groklaw:

GENTOO: Do you still talk to Linus?
PAMELA: I just talked to him on Monday. We still hang out on weekends.
GENTOO: (leaving) That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds take it easy, all right?
PAMELA: I will. Take it easy.
GENTOO: Bye.(exits)
PAMELA: Bye. (to KLAUS) That was Gentoo.
KLAUS: Why do you call him that?
PAMELA: Linus made it up. It's a live linux CD thing.
KLAUS: What do you mean?
PAMELA: After he boots a live CD, he likes to download and compile new binaries from source. It's called gentooing.
KLAUS: He requested this?
PAMELA: He gets off on it.
KLAUS: Linus can be talked into anything.
PAMELA: Why do you say that?
KLAUS: Like you said - he gentooed him.
PAMELA: Linus? No; I gentooed him.
KLAUS: Yeah, right.
PAMELA: I'm serious...
KLAUS: You booted that guy's live CD?
PAMELA: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...
KLAUS: But...but you said you only installed three distros! You never mentioned his!
PAMELA: That's because I never installed his!
KLAUS: You booted his live CD!
PAMELA: We went out a few times. We didn't install, but we fooled around.
KLAUS: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only installed three distros?
PAMELA: Because I did only install three distros! That doesn't mean I didn't just live-boot with people.
KLAUS: Oh my God-I feel so nauseous...
PAMELA: I'm sorry, Klaus. I thought you understood.
KLAUS: I did understand! I understand that you installed three different distros, and that's all you said.
PAMELA: Please calm down.
KLAUS: How many?
PAMELA: Klaus...
KLAUS: How many live CDs have you booted?!
PAMELA: Let it go...
PAMELA: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many distros you installed.
KLAUS: This is different. This is important. How many?!
PAMELA: Something like seventeen.
PAMELA: Lower your voice!
KLAUS: What the hell is that anyway, "something like seventeen?" Does that include mine?
PAMELA: Um. Eighteen.
PAMELA: I'm going to class.
KLAUS: Eighteen?! My girlfriend booted eighteen live CDs!
RMS: In a row?
KLAUS chases PAMELA down and grabs her by the door.
KLAUS: Hey! Where are you going?!
PAMELA: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many distros I'd installed, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about installing twelve distros. Well, I never installed twelve distros!
KLAUS: No, but you live-booted enough CDs!
PAMELA: Yeah, I booted a few...
KLAUS: A few?
PAMELA: ...And one of those distros was yours! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to yours since we met! All the other distros I booted before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the town |-|4><0r, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!
KLAUS: (a bit more rational) Well...why did you have to live-boot their CDs? Why didn't you just install them, like any decent person?!
PAMELA: Because live-booting isn't a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd hang out, and sooner or later I'd live-boot his distro. But I only installed the distros I loved.
KLAUS: I feel sick.
PAMELA: (holds him) I love you. Don't feel sick.
KLAUS: Every time I troubleshoot your computer now I'm going to see seventeen other distros.
PAMELA violently lets go of him.
PAMELA: I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.
KLAUS: (pause) Eighteen. I just can't...
PAMELA: Goodbye, Klaus.
She exits in a huff. KLAUS stands there in silence for a moment. Then he swings the door open and yells out.
KLAUS: Try not to run any Linux distributions on the way to the parking lot!
Two software vendors who were walking in the opposite direction outside double back and head in the direction PAMELA went.
KLAUS: Hey, you ... get back here!

Power corrupts. PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.


  1. "In a row?"

    "you look at me as though I'm the town h4X0r"

    I actually laughed out loud at those.

    God, I am a nerd.

  2. I was going to write what equates to the exact same comment. -)

  3. "In a row" was part of the original comments on Slashdot (which prompted me to put this here).

    I originally had "n00b" where "h4x0r" is, and it was seriously like a half hour later (at least) that I realized haxor sounded a lot more like whore than noob did (and fit the scene better). Lesson: don't be afraid to go back and pretend you've ALWAYS been at war with Oceana.

  4. Pretend? But we've =ALWAYS= been at war with them! You're silly, Phoenix.


    I've been getting more and more depressed all evening, and this has snapped me out of that. At least momentarily.

    Perhaps a late-night run to Zips and a viewing of Clerks (or perhaps Dogma) is in order.


  6. PS... you left a "DANTE" in there. You better fix that before you start sending the script out to the studies...


  7. Crap, "studios", not "studies".


  8. I don't see any extra Dante in there.

    You must be from Oceana.