Thursday, February 14, 2008

Phoenix and the Pizza Mystery

While I was recovering from my surgery, I didn't feel like going out much. So, last week, instead of getting up and going to the store, I ordered a pizza. I paid with a credit card, so I could save my precious precious cash for vending machines (Skittles!), and besides, credit cards are magic money!

Anyway, the delivery guy called me and told me to come down to the entrance. He'd be there in five minutes.

Now, there are TWO main entrances to my building. There is an entrance on the 1st floor, but it isn't often used for deliveries, because the delivery person has to come up a flight of stairs to get there, and very few people live on the 1st floor anyway.

The most commonly used entrance for deliveries is the 2nd floor entrance, from the back (it's a split-level building, so the 2nd floor entrance is also a ground floor). For this entrance, the delivery person can drive right up to the door (not that they often do, because then they'd have to drive BACKWARDS to get out, and most of the delivery people I've seen drive like Tommy Chong fleeing from imaginary racoons). But a delivery person might not know that it was
  1. Technically the 2nd floor
  2. NOT the main entrance to the building
And because my room is on the "second" floor, he might have meant to come down to the ground floor.

So I didn't make any assumptions. I took my phone with me, so that if he got lost or went to the wrong entrance, he could call me. But there is no reception on the 1st floor, so I stayed up on the main floor in the lounge, looking out the window at the 1st floor entrance.

15 or so minutes after he called, I saw him. I must have been turned away from the window when he came up, because I only saw him leaving. NO!

I panicked, and ran down to the 1st floor as fast as I could, shouting and waving my arms to get his attention. "Don't leave! I'm here, I'm here!"

He didn't stop.

The smell of pizza lingered in the air. I had been so close!

I figured that, not seeing anyone at the door, he left to finish his other deliveries before (hopefully) trying again.

(I should also probably mention at this point that I was getting anxious for the pizza to arrive, because I wanted to eat so I could take a Vicodin before I had to use the restroom. Hurry, pizza-man, hurry!)

I waited another 10 minutes before deciding that I should call and find out roughly how many other deliveries he had to make before he came back, because I was still standing by the window (bleeding from my penar) when I could be laying in bed. So I call them up again, and the conversation when something like this:
THEM: Pickup or delivery?
ME: Delivery, I hope. How many delivery guys do you have out tonight?
THEM: Uh, just me.
ME: Oh, OK, good. I --
THEM: So, an order for delivery?
ME: I already placed my order, I'm just wondering --
THEM: Who is this?
ME: I'm Phoenix. I ordered --
THEM: You gave me a bogus number.
ME: ...what?
THEM: I tried calling your phone, like, 20 times.
ME: (looking at my phone, and it's distinct lack of missed calls) Uh...
THEM: You can't give us fake numbers, dude. When we need to get a hold of you --
ME: What number did you call?
THEM: Your number dude. I even read it back to you when you placed your order.
ME: Um, no you didn't.
THEM: Yes I did, dude!
ME: No, you didn't take my order, Megan did. (Yay for remembering names!)
THEM: ...
ME: Listen, it doesn't matter. I was just wondering if I could find out how much longer it was going to be.
THEM: For what?
ME: My pizza. Like, how many more other deliveries --
THEM: I already delivered your pizza.
ME: ...!
THEM: Like, 15 minutes ago dude.
Dude. No way.

Apparently, he had come up to the door, saw a guy standing there, asked "Is this pizza for you?" and gave it to him. I had already paid by credit card, so the mystery guy didn't have to fork over any cash or anything.

Damn. It.
ME: So...
THEM: So...what?
ME: So, when can I get my pizza?!
THEM: ...I'll have to ask my manager. Let me call you back in a few minutes with what she says we can do.
Ask his manager? At the very least, I expected the pizza I ordered and paid for. He needs his managers permission for that? Throw another pie in the oven, pronto! I'm STARVING over here!

So I wait. And I wait. And I wait...

THEM: I've got your pizza, I'll be there in five minutes.
Finally! In addition to my pizza, they gave me a $20 credit on my account, and a description of the guy that stole my pizza.

Apparently he had had to sign my credit card slip to get my pizza. They were going to report it to the police the following day as credit card fraud. WHAT WHAT!! That's some serious shnikey right there. We have our suspicions as to who it was (he possibly signed his own name), but I haven't heard anything more about it since. I also tipped the delivery guy $5, because the mystery man didn't tip jack, and he did have to make TWO deliveries. And I was just happy to get my pizza.

...and now that I've finished typing this all up, it's after 1am, and they've stopped delivering for the evening. And now I'm hungry for pizza!

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