Customer "Service"

I'm breaking my no-blogging rule to vent an experience I've just had:

So, I live in Japan now, and I thought I should update my mailing addresses on my credit cards, so I can get the bills and remember to pay them.

Due to the time difference, and the fact that some of my credit cards don't have 24-hour assistance, I had to get up early to do this. So, already I'm cranky.

Bank of America was my first one, and it went really well. No problems at all (except where to put the Prefecture information if the State line disappears when you switch to Japan).

Next was Providian.

Sigh.

The "international" number they have on the back of their cards is actually not for Providian, but for Visa International, which can't do things like update personal mailing information, but on the positive side, I wasn't on hold for very long at all. I hate being on hold, ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M CALLING INTERNATIONAL LONG DISTANCE. But, seriously, they picked up within 10 seconds, so it was great.

Then, they transferred me to the Providian "international" number.

Sigh.

The woman who answered was obviously new to the English language. Very new. Now, as an English language instructor, I KNOW it's hard to learn. I SEE all the little inconsistencies in the language that make it difficult.

Breathe.

OK, let me describe the call, so you understand where I'm coming from.

Woman: Can I have your account number please? (Thick accent, but understandable).
Me: (Give her my account number).
Woman: Can I have your name please?
Me: Phoenix Gabriel.
...
...
...
...
...
(Now, I'm a patient person, especially with customer service people, as I used to work the help lines at an ISP, but seriously, I waited maybe FIVE minutes in silence for her to retrieve my information. Of course, it helped that I was distracted playing with my new Canon Wordtank G50 Electronic Japanese-English Dictionary. When I realized how long I had been waiting, I decided to take drastic action.)
...
Me: Hello?
(breathing)
Me: HELLO?
Woman: Can I have your first and last name please?
Me: (BLINK) Phoenix Gabriel.
(WHY didn't she say "Pardon? I didn't quite catch that. I don't understand. Please speak slower. Etc...")
...
...
...
(This time I only wait 1.5 minutes)
Me: Hello?
Woman: Um...
Me: Ma'am, I don't mean to hurry you up, but I'm calling international long distance.
Woman: ...
...
...
...
(Only 1 minute this time)
Me: Ma'am, it's costing me money to wait.
Woman: ...
...
...
...
(Back up to 2 minutes)
Me: Ma'am, is your supervisor available?
Woman: Wait.
(Ah, she spoke! OK, I'll wait for the supervisor)
...
...
...
(Back up to 3 minutes)
(I'm not on hold for this time. At least, there's no hold music, and I can still hear the woman breathing)
Me: Ma'am?
Woman: I'm just bringing up the screen. Wait.
(!!!)
Me: Ma'am, please put your supervisor on the phone.
(click)
(!!!)
(Hold music playing)
(whew!)
...
...
...
(Intermittently, the music stops, and I hear breathing)
...
...
(It's possible the woman does not know how to transfer me to her supervisor)
...
...
(She keeps picking up)
...
...
(4 minutes)
(click)
(Different hold music)
("Please wait for the next available representative.")
...
...
Super: Can I have your employee identification number please?
Me: MY employee identification number?
Super: (Completely unfazed) Can I have your account number please?
Me: (Give her my account number, etc, etc)

After all that, it turns out that PROVIDIAN DOES NOT ALLOW ADDRESSES OVERSEAS! In fact, she tried to close my account because I asked to change my address.

Sigh.

Let's see, I started the call at around 7:10am, and stopped around 7:55am, so I was on the phone for about 45 minutes, so I think my wait time estimates above are a bit too conservative. That was 45 minutes of ZERO productivity, but on the plus side I did get charged for calling international long distance (END SARCASM).

Long story short: Don't get a Providian card. Not only do they have an incredibly high interest rate (among the worst in the industry, but not THE worst [yet]), their customer "support" is appalling, and their policies flaky at best. If you DO have a Providian card, I suggest cancelling it at the earliest possible opportunity.

Dang it, dang it, dang it.