Thursday, October 14, 2004

On The Second Day

So, I just logged into Blogger. On an impulse, I decided to read what I had written in my profile (I really wanted to see my blogs per week ratio)....and it turns out that Blogger automatically updates your age. At the top of the page, it says:
  • Age: 30
  • Gender: male
So, it's official now. I have seen it in print. If it's on the Internet, it MUST BE TRUE!

Technically, it's also still my birthday in some parts of the world. I've decided that in the future, I'm going to stick with the 48-hour birthday idea. This way, I can break my diet two days in a row. :D

So, what is it like now that I'm 30? Well, I'll tell ya, it is a bit different. This morning, when I managed to finally crawl out of bed and go downstairs to take my shower, when I saw my reflection in the mirror, the very first thought that went through my mind was:
"I'm gorgeous!"
Seriously. Sometimes you sleep just right or toss and turn just right or whatever, and when you get up: masterpiece. I looked like a model. I almost ran back upstairs to get my camera.

The thought of calling in to work actually crossed my mind.
"Sorry, I'm too handsome to come in to work today."
Today, however, is not a normal day. It's a BBQ, and only one class all day. Plus, since it IS still technically my birthday in America, I consider this BBQ kind of a birthday celebration. As in, "It's Phoenix's birthday! Let's all take the day off from school and have a BBQ!" So, I had to go to work, which meant I had to get ready.

I hated to ruin it, but as soon as I shaved the spell was broken; I no longer had just the right amount of stubble. Then, I still had to shower, and the sad thing was that when I was done, my freshly washed, clean hair did not look as good as my day-old morning hair. Pity.

I think these examples illustrate a personality 'defect' of mine: I have a self-confidence problem; I have a self-esteem problem; I have a self-image problem.

My problem is: overabundance.

Let me give you a third example: Some of the students have crushes on me. This is normal, and it happens to just about every JET. One student in particular, though, is more obvious than the others. Sometimes she'll corner me after class and ask questions, or come to my desk during the lunch break and practice English. The other day, she came by and told me she had been practicing her English and wanted to show me. Well, she had a phrasebook, and she practiced phrases like:
  • "You're cool."
  • "Let's go dancing."
  • "Would you call me sometime?"
She might have even said "Do you come here often?" but I can't recall for sure. There were many many phrases. Some were so outrageous that I would chuckle nervously and glance around at the other teachers, as if to convey with my facial expressions that I was not, in fact, dating this 12-year old, despite some of the things she was saying. (This is one of those things that I thought I had blogged, and then quickly forgot about, so unfortunately I can't recall most of the phrases used).

Sometimes she would say things SO extreme (spit-take inducing, had I been sipping water at the time) that I would just stare google-eyed, speechless. She would stare back for a moment and then smile and say "Just kidding!" She did this a lot; apparently she thought that, no matter WHAT you say, if you follow it with "Just kidding!" it will be OK.

Tangent: I was painfully reminded of my own lack of Japanese ability, because I remembered Ellen DeGeneres' line about people who say "Just kidding!" She doesn't like them; she wants to say "Oh, really? Well then, you don't know how to kid properly, because we should both be laughing." So, in my mind, that phrase has kind of a negative connotation, but I couldn't express this because of my lack of Japanese. Sigh.

So, anyway, after she left, some of the other teachers said "You know that girl? She likes you."

Now, it was SO obvious that it didn't even occur to me to be sarcastic about it and respond with something like "Oh, you think so?" or "What gave it away?" and instead I opted for the simple "I know."

The whole point of this anecdote being: how I feel about the situation, vs how I SHOULD feel.

How SHOULD I feel? Flattered? Complimented? Reassured that, despite the fact that I'm in my 30's, the girls still dig me? [tangent: am I the only one who thinks the references to my getting older are, well, getting old? I've been 30 since YESTERDAY, give it a rest already Phoenix!]

While it's great that this girl thinks I'm awesome, the fact is I already KNOW I'm awesome. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed that there are other students who DON'T have crushes on me; don't they know how awesome I am?

So that's my problem: too much self-confidence. Side-effects include: euphoria, happiness, glee, smug condescending attitude toward everyone else, and the urge to think oneself capable of controlling the weather or other God-related abilities.

I would seek treatment, but I doubt that even I could find a doctor smarter than I am.

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