Tuesday, November 08, 2005

[Work] Kancho

(also see this site for more kancho grief)

I have been kancho-ed.

There have been minor attempts in the past, but all have failed or missed. I've never suffered the horror of a successful kancho. Until today.

My ichi-nensei boys are always trying to kancho each other. Between classes, one student was really picking on another, smaller classmate. I decided to step in and put a stop to it by pretending to go and kancho the bully. I put my hands together in kancho position and advanced.

The larger boy, seeing me approach, immediately dropped to the floor (a kancho-proof location) and slid backwards away from me, laughing. I kept advancing, and he backed out of the classroom and down the hallway. This happened to take us past the other ichi-nensei classrooms.

Well, one of the boys in the other classroom saw me and though "Oh, Phoenix is kancho-ing now? That means Phoenix is kancho-able!" (for the record, I wasn't kancho-ing, and I wasn't going to. The threat was enough to stop the bullying, which is all I wanted)

Well, this other boy tells his friends and they spread the word and SUDDENLY a dozen ichi-nensei boys come pouring out of the classrooms into the hallway, like Agent Smith in the Burly Brawl scene.

Each one had their hands in kancho position.

Now, the way this scene played out is hard to picture if you weren't there. Try and imagine around twenty 12-year-old boys trying to stick their fingers up your ass. Now, try and picture the horrible realization that this is REALLY HAPPENING.

They came from...every direction. Simultaneously, as if by silent signal. I managed to stop the first few by grabbing their kancho-ready fingers, and I used their bodies to keep a few more at bay, but one got through.

OOP! I was kancho-ed, successfully! I mean, dead-on accurate aim.

I spun around to catch the perpetrator, but that only opened me to more attacks. OOP! OOP! Two more got through.

I don't know if you are familiar with the anime Naruto (said anime has also popularized the kancho around the world), but the main character can duplicate his body and be in many places at once. It was like being attacked by him. Wherever I turned, he was behind me. OOP! OOP! OOP!

Previously, I thought I was un-kancho-able. I'm much bigger than my students. Of course, if you've played "Shadow of the Colossus" (and you should), you know that size matters not.

I was kancho-ed so many times, I lost count. And THEN I had to teach class for an hour. To some of these same students.

I need a pillow for my chair...


  1. I think this is one instance where I'm glad America is so touchy about sexual harassment.

    Also, in The Matrix, it's not called the Brawny Brawl, it's the Burly Brawl. A Brawny Brawl would involve a bunch of lumberjacks...

  2. Fixed it. I wondered why so few hits came up on the Google search. ^_^

    I still prefer Japan's sexual openness, but I'm basically defenseless against the kancho. I mean, I can't kancho them, they're kids. But, I don't mind if they kancho each other, something that would get American students expelled.

    Nevertheless, I'm wearing my baggy pants for a while.

  3. I would argue that sexual openness and sexual harassment are very different.

    Because, yeah, the level of sexual openness in the U.S. is crap. People here are way too uptight.