Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Reverend: Evil League of Evil application

The Reverend applies for a spot at the table...stable...whatever.

This was one of my favorites from the ELE application videos.
Not to be confused with the master of puppets,
I'm the Plush Preacher, Father Felt, the Pastor of Muppets.
I'm the Miniature Minister of Sinister stuff
The Priest made of ping pong balls, mischief and fluff.
I am the puppet of the lord and I will tell you how to get
to Bless-a-Me Street if y'all ain't gotten there yet.
Stop your thinking. Stop your feeling. Stop your copulation.
I'll make puppets of the entire population.
I'll put my hand up politicians, scientists and theologians.
And I'll bribe the Evil League of Evil with indulgence.
That's right, even the thoroughbred of sin
can trot straight through the pearly gates if y'all let me in.
An offer you can't refuse. Unless you get one higher.
Or unless you just do, in which case, you know, fire.
Of the perpetual variety. So what's it gonna be?
Let the puppet in your club or burn for all eternity?

This is not as much a request
as it is a proposal of-
fering you something quite val-
uable you won't find anywhere else.

Still not sure? Need some more?
Well...what am I here for?
You're probably thinking, that's a preacher not a villain.
He can't be down with us unless he's out there killing.
Well, I've told you about my abilities as a herder,
so let's get to the real stuff: What's my stance on murder?
Well, once you know you've sinned beyond all redemption,
and you know you have no honest chance at ascension,
there's nothing wrong with killing. You might as well,
'cause the good ones go to heaven and the bad ones go to hell.
That's fair! They all get exactly what they require.
Everybody wins. Well, not the bad ones, '
But I reckon I'm in the right. Me and the Lord are tight.
So you better let me in or you're in for a fight.
I'll kill you all, and forget about heaven.
So, do I get the job? Signed, the Reverend.

This is not as much a request
as it is a proposal of-
fering you something quite val-
uable you won't get anywhere else.

P.S. I really need this job. The church kicked me out 'cause incident I don't wish to talk about. But I assure you I am not in any way a sexual deviant. Shut up! I am 100% heterosexual. You hear that, Bad horse? I have no desire what so ever to walk into your stall in the middle of the night...with a jar of... Okay, reverend, keep it together, remember shock therapy, remember the good book! Remember the...purdy horsie. No! No, bad reverend! Bad reverend!
Anyway. Yeah. Let me in the league or you're all going down. Far, far down. I'd like to go dow--No! Bad! But if you take me, you automatically get my invisible friend,
the most powerful being in or outside the universe on your side.
You may have heard of him. Can't pass that up.
So...can't wait to hear from y'all. Till then, well, God bless.
To download the mp3, go to and click "albums"!

There are a few Ask The Reverend videos on YouTube. You can ask him questions @ Reverend @

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to say that Vince (the guy behind the Reverend) and I are making a web sitcom at the moment called Monsters Anonymous. (Check it out at ) Also, I wanted to point out that I made an ELE application, too, and the Reverend actually references mine (The Master of Puppets):