Eats, Shoots & Leaves

"Eats, Shoots & Leaves"....where to begin. I saw this review somewhere (I wish I could remember where) and it summed it up nicely for me: "The good news for us grammar sticklers is that a book on grammar is a best seller. The bad news is that it's 'Eats, Shoots & Leaves'...."

I could start with the title, which isn't even grammatically incorrect, only misleading (It would make sense in a larger context, such as: Sleeps, 12 hours a day; eats, shoots and leaves; mates, once a year...etc). In British English, you omit the serial comma before the 'and' so it becomes "eats, shoots, and leaves" but in American English you don't. The book was written by a British author, and it wasn't changed for publication in the U.S., so there are a number of places where it's just....WRONG...for American grammar. And even for British grammar, it is not internally consistent within the book itself. Sigh.

I hesitate to even mention the punctuation game on the book's website (except of course that I just did), and how it has ERRORS IN GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION on it. This is a book on punctuation, and ON THE WEBSITE it has errors.

In the Apostrophe section:
"Four yards' worth"
This is an example of British punctuation versus American punctuation. In American punctuation, it would be "Four yards worth". Sigh.

In the Comma section, it's worse. It starts saying: "If you don't think a comma is NEEDED anywhere click the NO COMMA button." (emphasis on NEEDED mine)
We have:
"Stop, or I'll scream."
A comma indicates a pause. In this sentence, I think the pause is clearly optional.

"Of course, there weren't enough tickets to go round."
First of all, it would be 'round because it's short for around and contractions require apostrophes to indicate where the omitted letters were. Second, this sentence could be read as exasperation, meaning "Of course" isn't set off on its own.

Finally, if you miss three, you see:
"You're a 83% STICKLER!"
which should be:
"You're AN 83% STICKLER!" (emphasis mine)
whether you're British or not.

Personally, I think I'm a 100% stickler. Anyway...

Here's a great review from the New Yorker. It's interesting to observe that as written communication becomes more important, people's ability to write is decreasing. Blame e-mail, or Internet chat, or cell-phone text messaging (where brevity outweighs correctness), but more and more I see people unable to string literate sentences together. Which is OK with me, since it inevitably means there will be less competent competition for me when I become a writer. And yet, I weep for future generations. Sigh.

Get Firefox

UPDATE:
Check out the Firemonger Project, and get all the Firefox you need on one downloadable CD. ^_^

OK, if you don't know what to do first, I'll walk you through it.

1. Download and install Firefox. That's the easy part.
2. Get some extensions. This is the hard part.

Firefox is very capable, but it's barebones out of the box. You need lots of extensions if you want to match (exceed) the functions of IE (note: properly rendering pages is not a function, it should be standard. I'm looking at YOU, IE).

So, here's a list of what I use. This may be long, but bear with me.

Essentials:

• Adblock 0.5.2.039 ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. Get Filterset.G and you may never see another ad again.
  
• Mouse Gestures 1.0 Something I didn't think I would use, until I started using it. Opening new tabs, going back and forth between pages, opening the source....all with gestures.
  
• Tab Mix 0.2.1 (mirror here) Where to begin....I keep all my browser windows...in one window. I rely on tabs. This extension is actually a collection of other tab-related extensions. Very VERY handy. Another ESSENTIAL.

Enhancements:

• SessionSaver .2 0.2.1.025 Ah...SessionSaver. Actually, I use Tab Mix (see above) to save my day-to-day sessions, and SessionSaver as a backup. It saves my sessions in case of a crash, and I can also store specific sessions to be recalled at any time (my pages for studying Japanese, for example). You can also store all open tabs as bookmarks and open them again as a group. Confused? You won't be.
  
• Linkification 0.9.20 Someone didn't add clicky-goodness to a link? This fixes it.
  
• SpellBound 0.7.3 The essential spell-checker so you don't look foolish in your posts.
  
• ForecastFox 0.7.1 Puts little weather icons on the bottem right of the browser (on the status bar). Very unobtrusive, and very handy.
  
• googlebar 0.9.5.06 Just like Googlebar for IE, only...not. But very similar.
  
• Smiley Xtra 3.1.3 Inserts smiley graphics into your posts, like this:

Downloading:

• FlashGot 0.5.9.3 A handy download manager interface, to point your downloads to GetRight or Net Transport or whatever you use.
  
• Disable Targets For Downloads 0.9 Tired of blank pages popping up when you download? Me too.
  
• Download Manager Tweak 0.6.6 Another download manager tweak. Does not interfere with FlashGot.
  
• Jump Link 1.3.1 Useful if you download attachments from your hotmail account (among other sites).

Newsreaders:

• Sage 1.3.3 This is the RSS reader I use now. I like it because it doesn't store all the articles I miss, so I waste less time on Slashdot if I miss a few days.
  
• Habari Xenu 0.9.5 Another RSS reader.
  
• Wizz RSS News Reader 1.0.5 Last one.

Internals:

• InfoLister 0.8.2 A handy extension to turn "about:info" into a list of your installed extensions, if you wanted to post them on your blog or something.
  
• Slim Extension List 0.1 Hides extended information about extensions not currently selected. Makes browsing the extension list much easier. It's the little things...
  
• xMirror 0.1.1 Don't put all your eggs in one basket. In this case, don't rely on one source for your extensions.
  
• Stop-or-Reload Button 0.1 Combines two buttons into one. Another thing I didn't think I would use until I installed it. Now, having two buttons just doesn't make any sense.
  
• User Agent Switcher 0.6.6 For the foolish web n00bs that hard-code compatible clients. Actually, I don't think I've every used this.
  
• ieview 0.86 Right-click, "View this page in IE"
  
• FirefoxView 0.31.1 Ah...right click (in IE), "View this page in Firefox"
  
• BGM Conductor Fixes the minor annoyance non-standards-compliant pages cause with the Microsoft-only BGSound tag.
• Show Failed URL 0.1.4 Another annoyance fixer. Displays failed URLs in the Location Bar when XUL error pages are enabled. XUL error pages are enabled by setting browser.xul.error_pages.enabled to true (this can be done via about:config, prefs.js or user.js). I'll explain in step 3.
  
• ChromEdit 0.1.1.1 Finally, a handy tool to facilitate editing of your user files. See next step.

3. Customize your Firefox.

These tips are from Customizing Firefox and Customizing Mozilla.

Basically, my user.js file looks like:

// Reveal more tab/window options:
user_pref("browser.tabs.showSingleWindowModePrefs", true);

// Instead of annoying error dialog messages, display pages:
user_pref("browser.xul.error_pages.enabled", true);

/* Force New Windows Restrictions
0: Default - Divert *all* new windows to current tab/window or new tab
1: Don't divert *any* windows spawned by JS
2: Don't divert JS windows that include size/placement/toolbar info */
user_pref("browser.link.open_newwindow.restriction", 0);

There are many more things you can do, but this will get you started.

4. (Optional) Optimize your screen real-estate.


To make room for the tabs and the googlebar, I moved the navigation buttons and the address bar to the top.

Update

If I'm not blogging, it's not because I'm ignoring it or that I've forgotten about it, it's because I'm BUSY.

Lately, I've been very, very busy. But, today I'm not, so let's update the blog.

First, I noticed that the previous post does not render properly in Internet Explorer. So, let's fix it!

Step 1: Everyone, switch to Firefox.
Step 2: There's no step 2.

RTFM

So, I'm downloading updates for a friend who lacks broadband (alas), and I get to the motherboard drivers page. At the bottom of the page is the link for the manual.

The description actually says RTFM. That just made my day.

From the actual page:

File Type	Motherboard manual	File Size		1.03MB
Version		Date
Update Description	RTFM

The Top 9 Action/Adventure Movies for Geeks

This is how much of a nerd I am, that I found this funny:

==================================================================
           TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS  --  THE INTERNET
                http://www.topfive.com/fivers.shtml
==================================================================


                          April 26, 2005


            The Top 9 Action/Adventure Movies for Geeks


 9> The Firmware

 8> The Great Escape Key

 7> R.A.I.D.ers of the Lost Archive

 6> Courage Under Firewall

 5> A Wheatstone Bridge Too Far

 4> The Eigenvalue Sanction

 3> Missionary Position: Impossible

 2> The Terminalemulator


      and the Number 1 Action/Adventure Movie for Geeks...


 1> The Checksum of All Fears



              [   Copyright 2005 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]

World Intellectual Property Day

From Slashdot:

Posted by Zonk on Wednesday April 27, @07:52AM
from the break-out-the-party-hats! dept.
Dotnaught writes "The Business Software Alliance wants everyone to know that today is World Intellectual Property Day, 'an initiative to educate young people about how intellectual property rights foster innovation, creativity and economic opportunity.' To mark the occasion, CopyNight, a monthly gathering of people interested in restoring balance in copyright law, is hosting a get-together tonight in various cities throughout the U.S."

Which led to this comment:

A Bitter Protest Against Copyrights (Score:5, Interesting)
by argoff (142580) on Wednesday April 27, @10:18AM (#12354088)

Well I for one intend to celebrate by reposting this ....

A Bitter Protest Against Copyrights

If they said there was no incentive to do good things unless the government could choose your religion ... or they said there is no incentive to grow food, unless farmers could rip up your garden ... most people would see these as the awful values that they are. But if they say that there is no incentive to make beneficial or creative works without the power to restrict what people copy (copyrights), then all too many people just take it on faith. They don't even question it, as if incentive makes rights, as if society would fall apart without them. But just as much of the Renaissance happened without copyrights so should the information age.

Calling copyrights "intellectual property" is intellectually dishonest. The moral and historical foundation of property derives from mutual respect and the fact that not everybody can posses something at the same time. The foundation of copyrights derives from kings who granted publishers monopolies in return for not publishing bad things about the monarchy. Copyrights are about control, censorship, and not a free market property. In fact, they cheapen property rights by treating things that have natural limits in supply such as food, shelter, and medicine like information that does not.

Worse, is how people who copy are slandered with names such as "thief" and "pirate", as if copying was akin to boarding a ship and murdering people. They are even accused of stealing food out of the mouths of starving artists. Yet these verbal assaults hide a cold and calculated lie, the one that says "copyrights benefit creative people". The truth is that for every artist or writer that has made it "big", there are unmentioned thousands whom copyrights haven't helped a bit, hindered, or even destroyed. Some are even barred or sued from sharing their own creations in public, while others die with the world never truly knowing their artistic genius as the mass media drowns them out. Most creators are far better off sharing and distributing their creations freely to make a reputation for themselves. Copyrights not only cause them to be drowned out in a sea of hype, but do so deceptively.

However, these aren't the only problems related to copyrights. They are just a sample of many that are constantly blown off, glossed over, or ignored. Like the failures of Hollywood culture, the failures of big media to offer quality material, the failures of the market to offer competitively priced books for college students while tabloids are dirt cheap, and massive anti-trust behavior in the software industry to name a few. Their hypocritical pleas like, "how will we make money without copyrights?" is like a mobster asking "how will I make money with out victims to extort?"

The burdens of imposing copyrights might have been bearable a quarter century ago when the biggest issue was copy machines. But today in the information age there is no technical distinction between copyright content and free speech content. Information is so easy to copy and manipulate, there can be no "middle ground". Our society must make a choice: Our communications will either have to be monitored or free, our privacy will either have to intruded or protected. Our speech, writing, and free expression will either have to be abridged or unabridged. Any institution that has the power to control one, must have the power to control all. Copyrights are like a vine that will never stop growing to choke off our freedoms until we cut it off at the root!

Consider parallels to other periods of transition like the industrial revolution:

History teaches that during the 1800's there were many people who believed that the entire meaning and purpose of the industrial revolution was to leverage inventions like the cotton gin to expand their plantations for unlimited growth and profit. Ironically just the opposite was true;the industrial revolution demanded a mobile and skilled workforce.

First, they responded by making slavery last forever, and making laws so harsh you couldn't even teach a person of color how to read. Then they responded by trying to micro-regulate the northern states, then they responded by trying to break off from the Union and fence themselves off from the rest of the world causing all hell to break loose.

Today many in media circles believe that the entire meaning and purpose of the information age is to use inventions like the Internet to leverage their copyright holdings to the far reaches of the Earth for unlimited growth and profit. Ironically, just the opposite is true; the information age demands the unrestricted flow of information.

First, they responded my making copyrights last effectively forever, then they responded by making it so that illegal copying could be punished worse than rape, then they tried to micro-regulate the technology industries with the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) and now they are trying to fence the information they control off from the rest of the world with Digital Rights Management (DRM). We are now at the point where society must tell them to go to hell.

Just because an institution calls something a property right doesn't mean that it is. Just because an institution calls something an incentive, doesn't mean that it is. Just because an institution looks successful on the surface, doesn't mean that is is. Just because an institution has been around awhile, doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't fail. An institution backed up by law and the full force of government is worthless if it is unjust. It is time for time for the institution of copyrights to die in the history of the information age!

Unethical laws like the DMCA, endless copyright extensions, billion dollar lawsuits, are not just about problems that haven't been worked out yet, but symptoms of a poor belief system being brought to its logical conclusion. All efforts to find a "middle ground" have failed. All those who've tried have been exploited to pacify the masses as the next generation of restrictive laws is rammed down our throats. But they have failed not in that they have lost the "middle ground" but that they have not seen that contrary to copyright monopolies, the right to copy, share, and distribute information is a right!

Like freedom of religion, and freedom of the press, the right to copy things is a moral right, a right that exists above government. It is an inherent right that describes a nature of human existence that lives in us from the time we are born. If the rules of politics were created because it is better to fight wars with information and discussion than with bloodshed, the rules of copyrights must die because it is better to fight unjust control of these with defiance than with systems.

Defiance by believing that people have rights even when they appear contrary to the system or the popular mob. Defiance, by shedding the guilt and shame that those who impose copyrights try to impose on us and understanding that they are the ones who should feel guilty and shameful. Defiance by believing that free markets are about just property rights and economic freedom, and not fraudulent "property" definitions. Defiance by using and making free software, media, and open formats whenever possible. Defiance by copying and sharing creative works whenever able, and embracing new technologies like peer-to-peer networks. And finally, defiance by rejecting and challenging such lies as - copyrights "benefit artists", people who copy are "pirates", copyrights are "intellectual property", copyrights are "protection" ... and so on.

In my humple opinion, only then can society reap the benefits the information age has to offer.

Sincerely,

David Christy

Man, I love Slashdot.

NJ: Slashdot Hates My Posts

Just about every time I read Slashdot, they give me Mod points. Now, for those that don't read Slashdot, if you use Mod points you can't post, and if you post you can't use Mod points.

I think they really REALLY don't want me to post. There have been times when I have used 4 (of 5) Mod points and when I got down to 1, they put me back up to 5. This week, I managed to get there before they gave me more Mod points, but that lasted about two minutes.

I try to get rid of them as fast as I can, but usually by the time I've seen 5 posts worth modding up (I almost never mod down), I'm usually done with the front page. :-( I would turn modding off entirely except for the overwhelming number of bad mods I see. Don't believe me? Go meta-moderate sometime. There seems to be a significant number of moderators who don't even seem read the article for the post they're moderating!

Lame.

NJ: Hiatus

I know I haven't been blogging much recently. That just means that I've been busy.

Ironically, I've often been busy chatting on instant messengers about the same things I normally blog. If I had just posted them first, I might have saved some time (and therefore had time enough to post them). Catch-22.

Anyway, please stop e-mailing me about it. I'm fine.

NJ: Wikipedia Is Awesome

I was just browsing Wikipedia for information on how the NBA Playoffs work, for the English board at school. I spotted a couple of spelling errors. I clicked '[edit]' and fixed them. Voila! It's instantly corrected on the page.

Awesome.

NJ: Cool Tips (from Slashdot)

Try this, 'tis most excellent! Makes Reader load in 1/2 sec or so, terminates quickly, and hardly ever crashes. It seems it's all those damn stupid bloated plugins causing the problems. To fix:

1. Install Adobe Reader 6.0 (or 7.0+) and notice where it is installed.
   
2. Navigate to that folder in Explorer, locate the plug_ins subfolder and rename this folder to plug_ins_disabled.
   
3. Create a new plug_ins folder.
   
4. Move the files EWH32.api, printme.api and search.api from plug_ins_disabled to plug_ins.

This fix is also described in MozillaZine.

An even better solution is to uninstall Adobe's Reader, and install FoxIt PDF Reader, which is free.

Learning to Drive II

Lewis said...

I'm so glad I don't have to take the test - it sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Oh, it definitely is a nightmare. Not because of the test, per se (the test is mind-numbingly simple, FAR simpler than the test I had to take in America). The test isn't hard, it's exacting. Another frustration is the fact that if I want to go practice on the course, I have to be accompanied by someone who has had a Japanese license to drive for more than three years. Meanwhile, I can STILL DRIVE ON THE STREETS. Why do I have to be accompanied? I could understand it, if I didn't have a license AT ALL, but I HAVE a license! I'm legal to drive! Argh!

(deep breaths)

:-) The truly sadly coincidental part of it is the REASON Americans have to take the test.

Some countries (like Canada, if I recall correctly) have reciprocal agreements with Japan. Have a Canadian license? You can get a license here. Have a Japanese license? You can get a license there.

Another part of it is safety. If you are from an area with relatively low frequency of accidents, you are deemed safe enough to drive here.

Here's the coincidental part: Japanese drivers have more accidents than Americans (especially here in Fukui, because of the high ratio of car ownership).

Here's a fun quote from the Japanzine Danger Meter (mirrored here):

Car accidents were the fifth leading cause of death in the year 2003. Although the roads are getting safer thanks to anti-drunk driving campaigns and tougher penalties for reckless driving, driving a car on Japan’s roads is infinitely more dangerous than skydiving, eating mochi, or living in Afghanistan.

The only things that beat car accidents were:

1. Cancer
2. Heart Disease
3. Cerebrovascular Disease (strokes)
4. Pneumonia

Things that killed less people that car accidents include suicide, old age, renal failure, liver diseases, and chronic obstructive pulmonary diseases.

So, even though Americans, on average, are safer drivers, they don't fall into the same category as Canadians because the statistics aren't broken down by region. Sure, Americans are safer, on average, but what about Americans from Washington State? The paperwork hasn't been submitted, and probably won't be, because if you have a Japanese license, you can't automatically get an American license (possibly because of the aforementioned accident statistics)! So, it's not reciprocal.

Here's a better worded explanation from the AJET Driving in Japan book:

Q: We're Americans. Why do we have to take the practical test and not the Canadians? They drive on the right, too!

A: Three reasons. First, American licenses are done by the state government and not the federal government, making a reciprocal agreement tricky since they would have to look into 50 states (as opposed to only 13 colonies in Canada - which did take years to accomplish). Second, the Japanese have to go through an even harder process to get an American license since their international driving permits are valid for less than a month. Third, because they're evil.

Sigh.

Tomorrow I take the test again. We shall see just how many tries it takes me.

Learning Japanese

I'm changing the way I study Japanese. No more half-efforts. I found this pdf of the first section of the first book in James W. Heisig's "Remembering the Kanji" trilogy. In the introduction, he talks about all the wrong ways to study, the mistakes most people make, and what frustrations they will encounter. It was like he was spying on me! I was doing everything he said, and having all the problems he mentioned.

So, I thought I would give his method a try. It wouldn't cost me anything but time, and I've tried so many study methods, what was one more?

The one more was the RIGHT one. It's what makes writing Petition (a 19-stroke kanji) into writing Meadow+Head (10 and 9 strokes, respectively), and Meadow is Cliff+Spring (2+8), and Spring is White+Water (5+3), and White is Drop+Sun (1+4), while Head (actually, Page) is One+Drop+Shellfish (1+1+7), and Shellfish is Eye+Animal Legs (5+2). So, Petition is Cliff+Drop+Sun+Water+One+Drop+Eye+Animal Legs (2+1+4+3+1+1+5+2), and the 19-strokes is broken down into elements 5 strokes or less.

Of course, I don't think "Cliff+Drop+Sun+Water+One+Drop+Eye+Animal Legs" when writing Petition, I think "Meadow+Head", and if I get confused on Meadow, I think "Cliff+Spring", etc. I think as needed, when I don't remember, but I usually remember.

If this doesn't make sense, download the file and read it yourself. It really really makes it stick. That doesn't mean that it's EASY (it's really really not), but it is EFFECTIVE.

I started on Thursday of last week, and I studied Thursday, Friday, and Monday, and I'm up to 172 kanji. I should have 3000 kanji (University level) memorized by the end of this year (reading+writing+meaning). My goal is to pass the Japanese Language Proficiency Test Level 1 (the hardest) by the end of next year. This seems like a reasonable, attainable goal.

Karaoke Revolution

So, we went to a karaoke bar for the 2nd party.

I sat between two of the leaving teachers (the two that spoke English, that I will miss the most). Of course, just about the only thing in English they said to me was "Which song are you going to sing?"

Singing, like everything else, is apparently mandatory.

Well, I thought to myself, how bad can it be? I was reassured that you didn't have to be able to sing, to sing karaoke.

So I started to pore through the foreign section of the song book, while listening to my co-workers go crazy on their favorite songs.

My co-workers...were already drunk at the end of the enkai. Really drunk. Or really acting like they were drunk (possible, in my mind). And they kept drinking at the 2nd party. So it was getting crazy. Some of them started to take their shirts off, but stopped when they got down to just a t-shirt.

And almost everyone sang almost every song. Some song would come up, and everyone would start singing together. It was cool.

But...then I realized...if I chose a song, it would be in English, and they wouldn't know it, and they wouldn't sing. So, I would be singing on my own. Well, that's no good.

And then a teacher sang a song on his own. Aha! I thought, if he's not so good, and everyone still has fun, I'll follow.

Well, let's just say he wouldn't get kicked off American Idol. So I backed out, and didn't sing, which was sad for me, because it's the last time I'm going to be in a karaoke bar with two of my favorite teachers (who both wanted me to sing).

But worse was the realization that I don't really know any songs. At least, not any songs in the songbook. I know that the words are on the screen, I'm refering to the melody. I kept trying to think of how a song would go, and I couldn't picture it. I really stopped listening to music in 2000, when I went to university. I would still listen to some stuff while programming or doing homework, but not always. And now I am completely out of touch.

I saw this game, "Karaoke Revolution" for the PS2, where you sing the songs, like karaoke, and the game scores you based on how closely you follow the melody and stay on pitch. I really, REALLY want to get this game now. To the point where I'm almost willing to push back paying off my credit cards a little bit, to order it. Of course, I would still need to order a PS2 as well. I found this site (modchipworld.com), a Canadian company that sells pre-modded PS2s, and it looks like they even still have non-slim PS2s in stock (I don't like the slim PStwos, they can't be upgraded). Unfortunately, the system I want is $329.99, the HD-Advance with adapter combo (because I have a hard drive just sitting here) is another $59.99, and shipping to Japan is $127.79!!! I don't HAVE $517.77 to spend just to learn to sing, and that's not even counting the game itself, which is another $30. They can ship to US/APO addresses for $20, but I don't have an APO address. Sigh. Once again, so close...and yet...so far.

I really really want to learn to sing though. We sing in class, too, and I feel like an outsider, because my singing makes children cry. I would take lessons, if they were cheap and effective enough, and I had spare time (which I don't, but one can wish). I'm going to add that to my goals list for Japan:

• Learn Japanese enough to pass the JLPT Level 1 test.
• Travel: Hiroshima, Kyoto, Hokkaido, Okinawa
• Travel: Guam, China, Thailand, Singapore
• Eat more fish
• LEARN TO SING!

Drinking Parties are Mandatory

So, last week we had two Enkai, one farewell party for the teachers that were leaving, and one welcome party for the new teachers arriving. Actually, since I work at two schools, I imagine that there were four parties, but I was only invited to two of them, for which my liver is eternally grateful.

The first one was on Wednesday. I was given directions, and told to come at around 5:30. I worked at Itou that day, because I was trying to get my driving license, so I couldn't get a ride with anyone (different school).

So, I get home, and I get ready, and I dig out my notes on where the place is, and as I'm heading out the door at 5:30, the phone rings upstairs. I kick my shoes off, and run upstairs, but I miss the call. Then I wait by the phone for a second to catch my breath and see if they will call back.

I really need an answering machine.

Anyway, the phone rings again, and it's a JTE from Asahi asking me where I am.

Well....you called my home phone....and I answered........hmm...where could I be? It's a mystery.

Anyway, it turns out, THEY WERE WAITING FOR ME. Apparently, everyone had to be there BEFORE 5:30, so they could start at EXACTLY 5:30 on the dot. I was told that I should have been there at aroudn 5:20 or so.

OK, people, I've been here for NINE MONTHS. Surely you have noticed that I'm not often on time to ANYTHING, right? I heard that the boss kouchou was really mad. This highlights an important distinction between my Asahi kouchou, and my former Itou kouchou. My Asahi kouchou will get mad at me for being late (even though I was never told to be there BEFORE 5:30, nor was I told that they would be waiting for me before they could start). My Itou kouchou would have told me to come at 5:15, and not to be late. That's the difference. Asahi = Get mad, that will solve past problems. Itou = a little more forethought, and we won't HAVE problems to get past. Sigh.

Anyway, I rush over there, (instead of riding my bike, since it was only a few blocks away), but there's NO PARKING (doh! I'm in Japan!), so there's another few minutes gone. Eventually, when I got in there, they HAD started without me (aha!). And everyone was wearing a suit.

WAH?!

No one said ANYTHING about wearing a suit. I happened to be dressed especially nice that day, because I had gotten my picture taken for the driving test, so while I wasn't in a suit, I did have a dress-shirt and tie on. So, it could have been much worse.

Dinner was 90% seafood (which I am becoming less and less able to eat), and 10% vegetables and THE BEST BEEF I'VE EVER HAD. Seriousy. It wasn't even prepared the way I like it, and it was still the most amazing beef. I will really REALLY have a problem with food when I return to America. Sigh.

And there was drinking. We started with a sake toast (kompai!), which was the best sake I ever had (of the three times I've had it), and after that it was tea or beer. Since I'm male, I had to drink beer. I don't know why females get to drink tea, but it wasn't an option for me (I found that out the hard way at a previous drinking party).

Now, I'm not much of a drinker. I can drink, but I generally won't spend my own money on it. So, I wasn't accustomed to the constant beer consumption. It's tradition to pour drinks for other people, and there was a steady stream of people coming by to refill my beer glass. And if I hadn't had any, and the glass was full, I HAD TO DRINK SOME so they could refill it. I'm sure fraternity hazing is worse, but this was still much more alcohol than I normally consume (which is to say, more than nothing). And it went on for hours.

Then there was the smoking. I guess I was living in a fantasy world at school, where smoking is forbiden (like dancing, and Go). At the enkai, they let loose. So many people were smoking (especially at the second enkai, where I sat directly next to the smokers), I could hardly see the other side of the room, and I really really wish that were an exhageration. Cough.

Then, after the enkai, was the 2nd party. Again, attendance = mandatory. It's an odd social world here. We went to a karaoke bar. Sigh.

Learning to Drive

I have to get a Japanese license to drive. My international driving permit expires this Summer, and I need to drive to get to work (not every town has public transportation to every possible location).

But getting a license here is difficult. It is generally accepted that you will be failed the first few times you try. That's just the way it is. Even if you drive perfectly. They need the money from repeated attempts, apparently.

My kouchou sensei, the Board of Education, and some of the JTEs called around and figured out where I had to go, and what I had to do, and even arranged a specific day for a teacher to go with me to translate.

And they all told me I didn't have to take the driving test, just the written test.

I can't tell you how happy that made me. Everyone said the written test was a piece of cake, and the driving test was a motherbrat. The appointments were made for Monday (preliminary paperwork) and Wednesday (THE TEST). These aren't normally days I work at Itou, but the kouchou arranged to swap with Asahi.

It's quite the drive to the testing station (only one testing center in this area conducts the written in English). I felt like it was an imposition on the JTE who took me, because I didn't know whether or not the kouchou had forced her to accompany me, or if she volunteered (and I didn't ask). The poor girl had absolutely nothing to do for most of the time at the center, besides sit and read magazines. I'd say "Now you know how it is for ME during the breaks!" except she's not the Asahi kouchou.

Anyway, paperwork was done on Monday, and surprise! I get to take the driving test after all! Joy.

Wednesday rolls around, and the time of the tests arrived.

The written test is just as easy as everyone says it is. I had read the Rules of the Road (in English, $10), and that's all you have to do. I would be surprised if I didn't get 100% (but they didn't give me my score, so I don't have proof). The hardest part of the test was trying to understand the poor Engrish questions.

One question was something like "If there is a yellow line on the road, with a white line running parallel to it, in your lane, is it possible to change lanes?" This is not the actual question. The actual question was about three times longer, but that's the essential point, AND the essential problem. In which lane is the white line? If it's in your lane, you can change lanes. If it's in the other lane, you can't. Those darn commas render it ambiguous. The actual question was even worse, and worst of all was the picture! They included a picture, but colored in the WRONG LINE (I know it was the wrong line because I actually read the Rules of the Road). Sigh. Anyway, I figured it out eventually.

Then came the driving test. Actually, then came waiting for forever, and THEN came the driving test.

The driving test is on a closed course behind the center. A TINY closed course. Like, the size of a soccer field. So, you loop around a bit. And you take the test in one of their cars. My car is a Daihatsu Mira. I'm not saying it's small, but if it ever broke down I could put it in my back pocket and walk to the nearest service station. So, I'm saying it's TINY.

The test cars are huge in comparison. True beasts. Also, another fun fact is that if you take the test in an automatic, you can only drive automatics. My car is a manual, so I had to take the test in the manual car. That clutch...is a bit sensitive, and you aren't given time to get used to it. Maybe I'm just used to my car, but I stalled the test car while PULLING OUT to take the test. I'm pretty sure I was failed on the spot, but the instructor didn't say anything.

Then there are the side mirrors. Or, I should say, the FRONT mirrors, because their on the front corners of the car. This was another thing I wish I had had more time to get used to. I kept looking at the sides, where the mirrors are SUPPOSED to be, and nothing was there. Plus, perspective-wise, the mirrors didn't really tell me much, being that they were so far away I could barely see anything.

Anyway, I had read notes about the test and the course from other JETs who took it previously, so naturally they changed the course for this year, but it was close enough that I understood. But, one thing the notes suggested was looking at the side mirrors when making a turn, even the mirror on the side you are turning away from. Well, apparently, that's a no-no, and was one of the reasons listed why I failed.

That's right, I FAILED. Sigh. Anyway, the reasons were:

1. I looked at both side mirrors when making a turn.
2. I didn't get close enough to the side line before making my turns (apparently, you still have to get close to the line, even on a four-lane road when YOU ARE IN THE TURN ONLY lane, which makes absolutely no sense to me).
3. My bumper went over the stop line once.

So there you have it. Clearly, I'm unfit to be behind the wheel. Of course, I still drive to work, legally. Hmm.

I go back again this Friday. I don't know when I'll go back after I fail that one; I'll have to see how my schedule fills up.

NJ: Culture Shock

Right now, it is the break between school years.

I am, of course, at school, in spite of the fact that I have absolutely no duties to perform. I am most definitely going through a period of culture shock right now.

The Japanese way of doing things is quite different from the American way I'm used to.

Lewis pointed out an informative article on TIME Magazine's site, here, on worker inefficiency. Here is an actual quote that I am not making up:

Japan's labor force is one of the most unproductive in the industrialized world. And not by a little. According to the Japan Productivity Center for Socio-Economic Development, a government-affiliated research center, Japanese laborers are 40% less efficient than Americans.

40% less efficient than AMERICANS! What's going on here?

Here's a great quote from Outpost Nine (currently mirrored here) on the subject of Oxymorons:

This is a nation that prides itself on it's almost suicidal work ethic. They work until late at night, then go in early in the morning. They work on Saturdays. Sometimes Sundays too. Even holidays. Despite all this working, they're not actually doing much. I can say that when the guy next to me has taken his 10th cigarette break...and it's only 11AM! Hey buddy, maybe if you laid off the menthols you could actually go home *on time*.

Sure, they are legitimately busy from time to time, but a great deal of time is spent making it look like they're busy, or on tea/coffee/cigarette breaks. Yet, if someone actually skipped the cig breaks and finished his work around 4-5PM and, oh my God!, left, they would be a slacker, an embarrassment to the company.

So, this is the culture I'm immersed in. Despite having no tasks that need performing, I'm required to be at work and to look busy, because that's the Japanese way of doing things. It's not that I don't want to be here at work (I don't mind it so much), or that I would definitely stay home if I could (although I would just do the same thing, study Japanese), it's that I HAVE TO be here, against all logic and reason.

Sigh.

Blood Type

I gave blood the other day, because I've been dying to know my blood type for about 15 years. I've actually had it typed twice, and didn't get the results either time.

There was quite a line when we went. A lot of the people seemed to be high-school kids trying to look tough. Why hasn't this caught on in America? "Want to look tough? Come here, and we'll BLEED ya!" What's tougher than that?

They gave me the option of donating 200ml or 400ml, and since they would type it either way, I opted for the smaller.

My friend pointed out that, since they gave me a 250ml carton of apple juice afterward, I was really coming out 50ml ahead.

Anyway, after a week or so had passed, they sent me a postcard with my blood test results. As it turns out, they do a lot of testing, and if I had donated 400ml, they would have done twice as many tests. They include the expected range for each value, so you know if something is wrong or not. They even keep track of what your previous results were, so you can easily see what has changed. It's like a monthly check-up, and it's free, and if I ever need blood I'll sure be glad that there are people like me out there donating. Next time, I'm donating 400ml (to get all the test results).

So, what type am I?

B POSITIVE

Obvious pun about my sunny disposition aside, they also gave my information about my cholesterol level (157) and lots of other stuff I couldn't identify. I did find a LOT of helpful information here which was very comforting. But, things like RBC, WBC, PLT, Hb, Ht, and MCV/MCH/MCHC are all part of the 400ml test. Next time...next time...

It may be no big deal to you, but I've been wondering for nearly half my life what blood type I am. Especially here in Japan, where EVERYONE knows what blood type they are, and use it like we use astrological signs to make predictions of personality. My students didn't believe me when I told them I didn't know, and that most Americans don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, and all Americans except me already knew.

What type are YOU?

NJ: Life Is Short

Here's excerpts from a random survey from Chelle's journal.

What do you think happens after you after you die?
NOTHING.

Do you believe in heaven?
Does Nutty Waffle Cone Ice Cream count?

Do you believe in hell?
No, but I've never been stuck in L.A. traffic before, either.

Do you think you will be judged after you die?
No, I'm going to plea bargain.

How many people would attend your funeral?
"Screw funeral....there's gonna be a party" -- Chelle

Would you rather that people cry or laugh at your funeral?
I just want to hear the lamentations of the women.

What's better? A shot in the head or downing pills?
Therapy.

What should be written on your tombstone?
DANGER! DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE!

Would you rather die childless or divorced?
I would rather not die in the first place.

Do you want to die in the morning, afternoon, or night?
At night. While with women. After having been with women all morning and afternoon.

If you had a million dollars to leave, who would you leave it to?
My clone.

What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?
Something poisonous. I don't want to be dead alone. ;D

On your deathbed, which moment will you most remember?
That I left the stove on.

What's the most gruesome death you can imagine?
Falling from a great height. High enough to have time to ponder the situation.

How often do you think about death?
Almost never. Unless you mean the Terry Pratchett Discworld character who SPEAKS LIKE THIS and has a fondness for cats, whom I think of constantly. But then, that's Capital-D Death, innit?

Is fear of dying your number one fear?
Second, after those little white spiders. Man, I really hate those spiders.

Do you believe in reincarnation?
No, but I believe in Déjà Vu. The strip club at least.

Have you ever wished someone you loved were dead?
Never. If I had, they wouldn't really be someone I loved, now would they?

Do you consider life short or long?
"Life is short – but the years are long." -- Lazarus

Do you think you have a soul?
I had it removed when I was a kid (but I got ice cream afterward, which was cool).

Assisted suicide for a terminally ill person is:
Their prerogative.

If you were cremated, where would you like your ashes?
At a resurrection research center.

Would you choose to be immortal, if you could be?
Absolutely.

Work Life

You know those times when you're working in a Japanese Junior High, and you're at your computer, and you look up, and EVERYONE IN THE ROOM is standing up respectfully for some visitor whose arrival you hadn't noticed? Everyone is standing and facing the visitor, or maybe bowing in unison, and you're typing away on your blog, completely unaware of how you're breaking the Wa of the room and offending said visitor.

I hate those times. I hate them even worse than the times I look up and everyone in the office is gone. Where did they go? I think I get too absorbed in whatever I'm doing.

What am I supposed to when everyone is standing up except me? Leap to my feet and pretend I was standing the whole time? Go back to what I was doing and ignore the visitor?

I usually leap to my feet, grab my coffee cup, and leave the room to get more coffee. Let them wonder. It's not as effective as kicking them in the groin and then giving them ice cream, but I have to work with the materials at hand.

Tales of Woe (Part II)

A sad, sad turn of events.

My awesome, favorite, beloved kouchou sensei for Itou Middle School is leaving. Ever since I came to Japan, he has made work fun and interesting, and it has been a joy to come to work in the morning.

I have very few regrets, but right now, the fact that I have not yet learned enough Japanese to have more conversations with him is high on my list. I thought there would be more time. Alas.

Moral for today: Don't take the people in your life for granted.

NO!!!

I previously mentioned the RSS reader "Pluck". Well, in the process of converting from Internet Explorer to Firefox (which, by the way, all of you should do as well), I wanted to transfer my RSS feeds from Pluck to Sage.

Pluck, likely sensing the fact that I wouldn't need it anymore, first refused to export my RSS feeds, and then deleted them. Without warning.

WORST FEED-READER EVER.

NJ: Ignorant People

Tell me if you've heard this one:

"According to the theory of aero-dynamics, and as can readily be proven by wind tunnel experiments, the Bumble Bee is unable to fly. This is because the size of its wings in relation to the size of its body makes flying impossible. But the Bumble Bee, being unacquainted with these scientific truths, goes ahead and flies anyway and gathers a little honey every day."

I've heard it far, far too often.

Of COURSE a bumblebee can fly. We've SEEN bumblebees fly. You have to really REALLY wonder about the reasoning capability of someone who believes this, who repeats it.

There are lots of stories of the origin of this urban myth. Here's one from 'Ask Dr. Galapagos':

"Once upon a time some scientists and engineers or college professors (different versions have different names and specialties) were at a dinner party. The subject of bee flight came up and the aerodynamic engineer that just happened to be present decided to do a quick calculation on bee aerodymics. He used a conventional stiff airfoil-shaped wing, with steady state, or partially steady state, air flow analysis techniques, and lo and behold, the calculations did not work for the bee. Someone jokingly said, "I guess that proves bees can't fly", and they all had a good laugh. But, of course, they all knew it just proved that bee flight is too complicated to analyse with conventional airplane aerodynamic methods."

One of my favorite quotes from that same page is: "Mysteries don't prove science is bunk. They are the reason for science."

There are several other pages that also debunk this legend:

• The Straight Dope
  
• Alaska Science Forum
  
• Paghat's Garden: Bees Can't Fly

Yet it seems to me that this annoying falsehood will continue to spread. I got 143,000 hits on the Google search "impossible bee fly" How many of those recount the myth, and how many debunk it?

Sigh. What a world we live in.

The Banshees of Democracy

If you want to know what political campaigns are like here in Japan (and what we have to put up with), go to Lewis' page. He sums it up pretty nicely. In case you miss it, he links to another page that helps explain the policy.

To The Pain!

The graduation ceremonies are next week, so we've been practicing this week. However, there aren't chairs for the teachers to sit in. So we get to stand for two hours.

I am beginning to think that there is something seriously wrong with my back. I'm in so much pain right now, it's really unbelievable. Even I don't believe it, I think my back is lying to me. I think it just wants attention.

Recently, I started sleeping on my back. Previously, I have always slept on my side, curled up in the fetal position, sobbing softly (I had a fun childhood). Thinking (probably erroneously) that sleeping on my back might help my posture, I made the switch.

Digression: the pain is such that I'm having trouble forming thoughts to type. I've taken some Advil (I can't remember the last time I had to take a painkiller), but it hasn't' kicked in yet. In fact, I don't think I can finish this post.

Mount St. Helens Shoots Steam, Ash

"I live less than 50 miles from St Helens, and I heard about this on Slashdot first."

Check out photo-goodness here, here, and here.

NJ: Fun Link for 20050309

http://www.huhcorp.com/
Here's a quote:

Our office is really modern and we've got nice computers and stuff. If you ever saw it, you'd say "Wow, cool office. These guys are legit."

NJ: Supertaster

Things I DO NOT LIKE to eat:

• Fish
• Tomatoes (tomato sauce is OK)
• Fatty meats (lean cuts are OK)
• Brussels sprouts
• Spinach
• Black coffee and tea (I need milk and sugar)
• Dry wines
• Tonic water

Things I CAN eat, but wouldn't buy:

• Olives
• Beer

What do these things have in common? They're all foods that supertasters have problems with. That's right, I'm a supertaster. Deal with it, mortal.

Actually, there's nothing 'super' about it. I have a higher-density of fungiform papillae on my tongue, which makes me more sensitive to certain chemicals, like 6-n-propylthiouracil (PROP). This bitter chemical is found in green vegetables. And it's not exactly uncommon; in the US population, about 25% are supertasters, 50% are normal, and 25% are nontasters (the other end of the spectrum). Females and Caucasians are more likely to be supertasters than Males and Asians, respectively.

But it's not just PROP. Flavonoids (found in many fruits and vegetables) are likewise extremely bitter. The problem is that flavonoids are healthy antioxidant chemicals, and avoiding them increases my likelihood of DIEING FROM CANCER. :-(

There are also some things that other supertasters might avoid, that I enjoy.

Things I LIKE to eat:

• Dark chocolate
• Grapefruit
• Cheese

So, it varies. And basically, the world says "Suck it up, and deal." In addition to the people that refuse to believe in supertasters, classifying them simply as 'picky eaters', there are people that know better and just don't care. Danielle Reed, PhD, of Philadelphia's Monell Chemical Senses Center, says there's no excuse for avoiding vegetables.

"After all look at how many bitter-sensitive people learn to love coffee and gin and tonics."

Sigh. If only it were that simple. I've been eating fish and other seafood nearly every weekday since school began September 1st last year, and I STILL can't finish a piece of fish. And I REALLY TRY! Sigh.

At least the sensitivity declines as one ages, not to mention the fact that I have reduced sensitivity in the first place due to an ear infection when I was young (ear infections damage your taste nerves). Is it possible I got the ear infection from stuffing peas in my ears, because I couldn't eat them? (Answer: no, those incidents occurred years apart, but still...the potential irony...)

So, do you think you could be a supertaster?

Take this highly unscientific test, or if you're really curious, this scientific one.

I Was Robbed!

I am expecting a registered letter, so yesterday I went home briefly after work was officially over. At 4:30pm, the letter had not arrived, and there were two kerosene containers in front of my house. One full, one empty.

I went back to work, because I didn't need to be at home (and at work, there's COFFEE, and I can study Japanese and drink coffee and play go^W^W^W). Eventually, I finished everything for the day (except studying Japanese, that's never finished), and around 7:30pm I went home.

At 7:30pm, the letter had not arrived, and there was ONE kerosene container in front of my house. Empty.

I had been robbed! IN JAPAN! How is this possible?

First of all, you couldn't see the kerosene containers from the road. Or anywhere else, you basically had to be standing next to them to see them. So, why did the thief come up to the door in the first place? And what prompted them to then steal?

Second, I leave my front light on (so when I come home at 8pm I can unlock the door). So the thief took the kerosene in plain view. I'd ask my neighbors if they saw anything, but I don't speak enough Japanese yet (hence, the never-ending studying).

Third, a full container of kerosene isn't exactly light. I can't quite imagine anyone lugging it down the road for any length. So who drives up to a house, loads the kerosene in their car, and drives away?

Fourth, a full container of kerosene isn't exactly expensive. At ￥49 a liter, and 18 liters a container, were only talking about $8.35 (plus the cost of the container, so let's make it a round $10). If you're going to risk getting caught stealing, why something so small?

Anyway, even though I don't hope to recover the kerosene, I reported the incident to the local police, so at least they know what's going on in their neighborhood. That was a fun experience, especially when the police described a current fad in Japan: stealing kerosene and using it to LIGHT THE BUILDING ON FIRE. Maybe if I hadn't returned home when I did... So it could always be worse. I am greatly indebted to the English teacher from school that happened to be working even later than I was that accompanied me.

What really bothers me about this is...my landlord. (WHAT?)

I have two bikes now, and a sudden fear of them being stolen. I'd like to store them in the garage, but the landlord has his own stuff in there, and there's barely enough room for my tiny tiny car.

Also, the landlord sometimes goes into the house. Sure, he owns the house, but still. When he leaves, he often fails to secure the door. He may lock the door, but leave it partially open (so what's the point of that?). He also turns off the outside light. Note that I've repeatedly asked him to not do this. Alas.

I think the landlord comes in to the house ostensibly to get something of this. After all, every closet and cupboard is filled with his stuff. With my newly disillusioned view of the relative safety of Japan, I think I must demand that the landlord:

1. Remove his belongings from the house and garage.
2. STOP coming into the house while no one is there!

Sigh. So that's how my day was yesterday. How about you?

Sad, part Deux

My classes were canceled again today. Sort of. Well, yes, they were, but I got to do introductory lessons with elementary school students (I should say GENKI elementary students). They were a lot of fun. We did the Head-Shoulders-Knees-Toes sort-of-Simon-Says game. In the third class, I wasn't getting anyone to sit down (they were too good). Finally, I said "Touch your eye" and grabbed my ears, and EVERYONE grabbed their ears. The entire class. No one got it right. It was great. :-D

More sadness on the financial front. I still haven't received confirmation that my transfer account is open. I sent them an e-mail and they told me that they sent the confirmation registered mail yesterday, so it should be any time now. I'm still severely worried. I couldn't cut this one any closer if I tried.

Sad

All of my classes were cancelled today (well, some weren't cancelled, they were moved to Wednesday, making that day longer).

Although it gives me more time to study Japanese (and fiddle with the blog), I'm kind of sad. None of my students are getting to see my new Italian silk tie with mice exchanging presents on it.

Sigh.

Because I Can

I updated the quote navigation again. Now you can go directly to the first or last quote, or jump to a specific quote. This is mostly for my benefit (for testing new quotes when I add them, and in general for learning Javascript to implement it).

Sight Unseen

I shouldn't be allowed unfettered access to my money. Here's why:

EXAMPLE 1:

I saw a message on the fjet list: 18-speed mountain bike for sale, $50. Now, I already have a bike, but it's a 1-speed, and my visiting school is up a hill, so I would like to have lower gears so I could ride my bike to school (and lose some weight).

I asked the poster what kind of bike (so I could look up reviews of it). He said:

The mountain bike is blue, w/ front shocks and a shock absorber in
the frame. The gear shifts are in the handgrips and the handle bar ends have openings at the ends for extensions. I bought it at COPA. I don't know the name and I removed all the stickers. It is your run of the mill department store mountain bike. This bike isn't spectacular, which is why it's going cheap. But it is reliable, which is why it isn't going for free.

I asked about the size. See, another problem with my existing bike is that it's a bit too small for me. I would prefer a full-size, adult-size bike, so my knees aren't banging against my chest when I ride. He said:

It is an adult sized frame. I'm 6 feet tall and it's fine for me. I think it's a 21 inch frame.

So far, so good. I don't know how big a 21 inch frame is, but I'm 6 feet tall, too, so if it works for him, it should work for me. I told him I'd take it.

We meet up in Fukui city (neutral ground), he gives me the bike (and a bike pump, and a bike lock, and oil, and a light), and I pay him. He asks if I want to ride it around first, but I trust him, so I say, no, it's OK. Besides, I'm in a hurry. He points out that the tires should be replaced. This hadn't been mentioned in the e-mails, but it's kind of too late now (I'm thinking) to change my mind, even though the value of a $50 bike has just dropped considerably, since for not much more I could buy a NEW generic-mall-bike with NEW tires anyway. Sigh.

So I take it home, and pull it out, and....what? It looks kind of small. I'm sure it's my imagination though, since he says it was fine for him. Plus, he had lowered the seat to fit it in my tiny tiny car, so maybe that's it. I raise the seat. I raise it some more. I raise it until it comes off the bike. Hmm. I put it back on, as high as it can go. I then put my old (too-small) bike next to my newer (works-fine-for-me-and-I'm-6-feet-tall) bike.

My old bike, of course, is bigger.

WTF?!

So, I try to take it for a ride, and that's when I notice how rusty it is. Not so much that I fear it will fall apart (yet), but a significant, noticeable amount of rust. Clearly, this bike was not kept under cover from the weather. Anyway. I ride it around for a while, and that's when I notice that it sometimes has trouble shifting. Perhaps that's due to my inexperience with this particular shifting mechanism. Perhaps.

I rode it to work today (I paid for it, I'm going to USE it!). My knees bang on my chest. It's much too small. And the handlebars are misaligned (to go straight, they have to be at a slight angle), but that's fixable. I hope. If I can get a seat that goes higher, so my knees don't bang against my chest, it'll be OK. And new tires of course. And maybe a new frame. And perhaps new gears, or whatever the problem with shifting is. Other than that, everything is good. Such a bargain!

Sigh.

EXAMPLE 2:

At almost the same time, I saw another ad for Japanese books, with the description:

All these books have been well looked after and will help with your study.

Since I'm always on the lookout for good Japanese books, especially Kanji books (and the two in this lot were marked 'Good' and 'Great'), and because these were being sold much below the original cost, I snatched them up right away.

Well. I get them home, excited about my new acquisitions, and my native-Japanese friend immediately points out the obvious flaw, as I'm still removing the books from the bag.

"Those books are too old."

What do you mean, too old? I look closer at the books. Some are 10 years old. Some are older. Has the Japanese language changed so much in the past 10 years? Of course, is the answer. But...the Kanji, certainly that is the same? Nope, there are a bunch of new Name Kanji.

Sigh. It's been a rough couple of days.

Final financial note: I still haven't received confirmation of my transfer account (which I foolishly assumed might come by Friday or Saturday). So, I still can't send money home to pay my credit card and student loan bills. And the first due date is TOMORROW. So, I'm starting to sweat a little.

(fingers crossed)

Quotable Quotes

I've updated the way the quotes work on the sidebar. Now you can browse through them, or get a new random one, without refreshing the entire page. If this doesn't work for you, let me know. I may also add a lot more quotes in the near future, depending on how much free time I have (I have a quotes file that only needs some minor editing...), but that will dilute the frequency of the current quotes (my favorites). Choices...

Hand Finger Puppet

Speaking of "Dancing is Forbidden", does anyone besides me remember the short-run Adult Swim commercial where they played the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ending theme song and showed the "lyrics"? A lot of people who hadn't watched the pilot thought that the words were "D***, finger puppet", but they couldn't say 'd***' (the commercial played in the afternoon), so the commercial said "Hand, finger puppet".

I thought that was one of the funniest commercials, but thinking back I can't remember if they just put the wrong words up, or if they actually re-recorded the song with the wrong words, and played that in the commercial. I had thought that they re-recorded the song, which was what made it so funny (so much effort for a joke that almost no one would get), but now I'm not so sure. So far, I haven't been able to find anyone who has a copy of it, so it will remain a mystery, forever gnawing at the back of my mind, until I inevitably go mad. So.

Dancing Is Forbidden

Well, I spoke too soon.

The Kocho-Sensei saw me playing Go at school (I was actually studying Go problems, and not playing the game, but he didn't know that). Playing Go is now officially forbidden. If I have free time, he says, I should be studying the Japanese language (as opposed to the Japanese culture, which is what I was doing with Go).

Sigh. I wonder if I can get away with playing LRNJ or Knuckles? Both are games for learning Japanese Kanji. Hmm. Where's the line?

Money Woes

My current BofA checking account has $243.47 in it.

This month's minimum payments amount to $479.77.

I am $236.30 short.

This is....bad.

Right now, I'm waiting impatiently for my transfer account to open, so I can send money home. Very very hopefully, it will open in a few days. Then I can relax.

Until that time...

Testing My Patience

It's test-week at school, and so far I haven't had any classes. I might have classes on Thursday or Friday; I'll find out tomorrow.

I'm not looking at this as a mind-numbingly boring obstacle, I'm looking at this as an opportunity to study Japanese.

And by 'study Japanese' I mean 'play Igo and read Naruto manga'.

Speaking of Go, it's possibly the best strategy board-game in existence. It's most certainly the oldest. I was a long-time fan of Chess (still am) before I learned Go, and although I still like Chess, Go is much, much better (anyone who says otherwise hasn't done their research). The rules are simple, but the strategy is hard.

Everyone has a rank in Go. Currently, I fluctuate between 17-kyu and 8-kyu (lower is better). That's a big flux; sometimes I'm on the ball, and sometimes I just can't get my head around the game. My goal is to rank as 1-dan (higher is better), the lowest of the non-beginner levels.

Sigh. If only there were an English-language Go school in my town...

Good News

This past weekend, instead of sleeping all day, or planning to clean the house and ending up sleeping all day, or planning to study Japanese and ending up sleeping all day, or hanging out with my girlfriend (whom had fled to another country, but I'll track her down again), I worked. This isn't that unusual; I've worked weekends before. This time, though, I worked at a different school. Takefu Higashi Senior High School. The International Course has English camps every now and again, and I finally got to go to one. It was Fantastic! I loved it. Most of the students had very high (compared to my Junior High students anyway) English skills. It was a lot of fun.

But. They didn't tell us they would be filming everything. It was very distracting to try to talk to your group with a camera stuck in your face. They didn't ask for permission, or even mention it at any time (not even while we were there. It was like 'Mystery of the Invisible Cameramen').

Although, I did end up on the news. The Kyoto-Sensei told me today that I had been on the news on Saturday. Unfortunately, of course, no one recorded it (Tivo pretty much doesn't exist here). Not that I would have wanted them to. I had an acne outbreak last week; I'd hate to think that that image of me would be preserved for all time.

Even Steven

So I finally got my previously withheld taxes back yesterday along with my monthly paycheck. So, basically, around $6000, which will certainly make a dent in my $15,000 of credit card debt (don't do credit cards kids, mmkay? Credit cards are bad, mmkay?). This makes me very happy. :-D

Of course, I also forgot to turn my headlights off that morning when I came to work. Completely dead battery when I tried to go to the bank 10 hours later. So, everything balances.

Where Have I Seen This Before?

So, we use shorthand in the classroom when writing on the board. For person, we'll write the Kanji for person: 人 (the font doesn't do it justice). And if we are emphasizing the placement of "person" in the sentence, we'll draw a circle around it. Basically, it looks like:


(Well, it really does look a bit different. Hito leans the other way.)

Gentoo Linux in 3 Steps!

If you don't know what Gentoo is, just go to the next post. I saw this quote on Bash.

<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk /dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /dev/hda1 && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo/ && chroot /mnt/gentoo/ && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && scripts/bootsrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

GMail

So, I finally gave out a GMail invitation, to my brother, bringing me down to 5 invites left. Today, I logged in and saw I had 50 invites left. So don't be surprised if you get an invite from me. And if you want one and don't get one, leave a comment and I'll send you one.

Bad Memory

So, the memory on my laptop is bad, and without it my computer is slow. So slow, that by the time I log on to Blogger to update, I've forgotten what it was I was going to blog in the first place. Because of my own bad memory. Ironic.

R.I.P. P.C.

This Phoenix is a sad Phoenix.

The hard drive on my desktop computer broke the other day. It's still under warranty, but first I need to buy a new one to try and recover my files from the broken one (my extensive collection of hard-drive recovery programs was ironically on that drive; thank god I still have some original disks). The problem is that it's bigger than any hard drive I can find at the appliance stores around here. Japan is not like America: we don't have computer shops on every corner here. We don't have computer shops at all.

I found this one at Newegg.com which would be perfect for me, but Newegg doesn't ship internationally. :-( If I were still in Spokane, I could pick up this one at CompUSA for even cheaper (after rebate), but I don't live in Spokane anymore, which is why living abroad sometimes has drawbacks.

But just when you thought things couldn't get any better, just wait! Yesterday, the memory chip in my laptop died. I was watching a video and boop! Brief flash of blue screen, and "restart". I say "restart" in ticks because it didn't restart. Nothing came on the screen. Did the monitor die? The hard drive? What? I went through the troubleshooting checklist and it is indeed the memory. So, my laptop went from 1280megs to 256megs. It's working...but....slow......... Have you ever tried to run Windows XP on a computer with 256megs of RAM? Let me save you the trouble: Take a photo of your computer, and paste it on your monitor. That's what it's like. Slow is too small a word.

I bought the memory from MemoryStock.com, where there is a lifetime warranty on all memories except laptop, so I may be hosed on that. I can get another stick from them for $267.00 (including shipping to Japan). Crucial.com has the memory I need, but it's $339.99 plus shipping, but either way I'll have to wait until payday (the 21st, one week from today). The thing about Crucial is: The memory is fairly competitively priced (usually more so than this), it comes with a lifetime warranty, and it's reliable enough that you'll probably never need the warranty. That's what I look for in memory. I should have bought from them the last time, but I was short on funds (when am I not?) and wasn't thinking clearly.

Sigh.

I should have brought my back-up laptop with me, for days like this.

The Close Call

So, last week, the Nishi school (my thr-fri school) asked me to switch the 15th (tue) with the 17th (thr), because the graduation ceremony is going to be held on 15th. Higashi (my mon-tue-wed school) is holding their ceremony on the 14th. So I can go to both, which makes me happy, because the students at both schools are awesome.

On wed I asked one of my teachers at Higashi what I should wear, and she said that the teachers were going to wear black suits. I said, "Monday is the 14th, right?" "Right," she said.

Which means I had the weekend to get a new tie.

During pictures, I wore my black suit and black tie, and they asked me to change it. My tie was black, which is what you wear to funerals. Another teacher lent me a pearl-white tie, like all the other teachers wore, and that was fine. But this time, I would have to have my own tie.

So, fri or sat I was at the store and I picked out a nice tie (cheap, scotch-guarded, pearl-white). And forgot about it.

Now it's monday. I didn't do laundry this weekend, so I was trying to pick out my cleanest clothes to wear to school. Is this enough dirt to be noticable? I was heading off to the shower, when I realized: It's Monday! The 14th! Graduation ceremony!

I dash back upstairs and dig out my black suit. I hadn't worn it since picture day. When I was getting dressed, I opened the package on my new tie.

My new tie...is too small. Much too small. I can't tie a Windsor. I can't even tie a half-Windsor. There's not enough tie. I ended up tieing a quarter-Windsor (it's possible), but it's kind of loose.

Whew. That was close. Imagine how embarrassed I would be if I showed up at school in my old dirty clothes for graduation ceremony! Really, really, close call.

And now I'm at school. And no one is wearing a black suit except me. Graduation ceremony is MARCH 14th, which is also a monday.

Ah....the sting of embarrassment....now I remember what you feel like. It's been too long. At least my co-workers will get a kick out of it. :D Haha! That crazy American!

My Favorite Singer's Group Is....

So, I'm grading tests (quickly, since class starts in less than a half hour, and I was just handed this task), and the section I'm working on is about what the student's do in their free time.

One student wrote something like:

I like to listen to music in my free time. (check)
I have many CDs. (check)
My favorite singer's group is Pornography Graffiti. (Waaa?)

It's a band, apparently.

Of course, after seeing the ubiquitous playboy logo carried by so many elementary school girls, reading that one of my middle school girls likes Pornography Graffiti shouldn't surprise me at all.

NJ: Nerd Time

If you're not a computer nerd and/or a Kevin Smith fan, you can skip this post entirely. I know I'm posting a bit early for my recent pattern of every-two-weeks, but I was reading this today at work, and laughed out loud. No big deal, unless you work in Japan, in a room full of reserved co-workers. Anyway, there was a post on Slashdot with the title "18 Live Linux CDs -- In A Row". [For the non-nerds who didn't leave when I warned them, 'Live Linux' is a fully functional version of Linux which you do not need to install. You just pop the CD in and restart your computer. It's often used by people who are new to Linux and wish to try it without installing it. See also: http://www.knoppix.org/]

This led to some creative posts (because of the 'in a row' tag), which I will combine here, filling in gaps as needed I have to thank IntelliTubbie (29947), madmancarman (100642), the enigmatic Anonymous Coward, and AllMovieScripts.com, which had the (slightly inaccurate) script which allowed me to fill in the blanks.

Now we go to the scene, already in progress:

Imagine instead of Dante and Veronica, a conversation between Klaus Knopper and Pamela Jones of Groklaw:

GENTOO: Do you still talk to Linus?
PAMELA: I just talked to him on Monday. We still hang out on weekends.
GENTOO: (leaving) That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds take it easy, all right?
PAMELA: I will. Take it easy.
GENTOO: Bye.(exits)
PAMELA: Bye. (to KLAUS) That was Gentoo.
KLAUS: Why do you call him that?
PAMELA: Linus made it up. It's a live linux CD thing.
KLAUS: What do you mean?
PAMELA: After he boots a live CD, he likes to download and compile new binaries from source. It's called gentooing.
KLAUS: He requested this?
PAMELA: He gets off on it.
KLAUS: Linus can be talked into anything.
PAMELA: Why do you say that?
KLAUS: Like you said - he gentooed him.
PAMELA: Linus? No; I gentooed him.
KLAUS: Yeah, right.
PAMELA: I'm serious...
KLAUS: You booted that guy's live CD?
PAMELA: Yeah. How do you think I know he liked...
KLAUS: But...but you said you only installed three distros! You never mentioned his!
PAMELA: That's because I never installed his!
KLAUS: You booted his live CD!
PAMELA: We went out a few times. We didn't install, but we fooled around.
KLAUS: Oh my God! Why did you tell me you only installed three distros?
PAMELA: Because I did only install three distros! That doesn't mean I didn't just live-boot with people.
KLAUS: Oh my God-I feel so nauseous...
PAMELA: I'm sorry, Klaus. I thought you understood.
KLAUS: I did understand! I understand that you installed three different distros, and that's all you said.
PAMELA: Please calm down.
KLAUS: How many?
PAMELA: Klaus...
KLAUS: How many live CDs have you booted?!
PAMELA: Let it go...
KLAUS: HOW MANY?
PAMELA: All right! Shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak like this when you told me how many distros you installed.
KLAUS: This is different. This is important. How many?!
PAMELA: Something like seventeen.
KLAUS: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE SEVENTEEN?
PAMELA: Lower your voice!
KLAUS: What the hell is that anyway, "something like seventeen?" Does that include mine?
PAMELA: Um. Eighteen.
KLAUS: I'M EIGHTEEN?
PAMELA: I'm going to class.
KLAUS: Eighteen?! My girlfriend booted eighteen live CDs!
RMS: In a row?

KLAUS chases PAMELA down and grabs her by the door.

KLAUS: Hey! Where are you going?!
PAMELA: Hey listen, jerk! Until today you never even knew how many distros I'd installed, because you never even asked. And then you act all nonchalant about installing twelve distros. Well, I never installed twelve distros!
KLAUS: No, but you live-booted enough CDs!
PAMELA: Yeah, I booted a few...
KLAUS: A few?
PAMELA: ...And one of those distros was yours! The last one, I might add, which-if you're too stupid to comprehend-means that I've been faithful to yours since we met! All the other distros I booted before I met you, so, if you want to have a complex about it, go ahead! But don't look at me like I'm the town |-|4><0r, because you were plenty busy yourself, before you met me!
KLAUS: (a bit more rational) Well...why did you have to live-boot their CDs? Why didn't you just install them, like any decent person?!
PAMELA: Because live-booting isn't a big deal! I used to like a guy, we'd hang out, and sooner or later I'd live-boot his distro. But I only installed the distros I loved.
KLAUS: I feel sick.
PAMELA: (holds him) I love you. Don't feel sick.
KLAUS: Every time I troubleshoot your computer now I'm going to see seventeen other distros.

PAMELA violently lets go of him.

PAMELA: I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational.
KLAUS: (pause) Eighteen. I just can't...
PAMELA: Goodbye, Klaus.

She exits in a huff. KLAUS stands there in silence for a moment. Then he swings the door open and yells out.

KLAUS: Try not to run any Linux distributions on the way to the parking lot!

Two software vendors who were walking in the opposite direction outside double back and head in the direction PAMELA went.

KLAUS: Hey, you ... get back here!

Power corrupts. PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.

My Height Dilemma

So, I've been trying to stand up straighter. If you know me, I'm a bit of a slouch. Well, that's not a good example to set for my students, so ever since I came here, I've been standing up as straight as I can as often as I remember.

I even checked it out in front of a mirror. It turned out that even when I thought I was standing up straight, I was still slouching. When I actually stand up straight, it feels like I'm leaning backward. It's weird.

I wish I had started doing this all those years ago when my father warned me about my posture. He said that if I kept slouching like that, it would be permanent. But, of course, being the genius I am, I didn't listen, and now I'm paying the price.

I have two students that slouch, and every time I see them I want to grab them and make them stand up straight. It drives me crazy. But that's not my dilemma.

The problem I have is this: Japanese doorways were not made for someone as tall as I am. When I'm slouching, there's no problem. When I'm standing up straight, I hit my head.

I hit my head a LOT. The first few times, it was kind of funny (not so much for me, but bystanders tended to laugh). I mean, how could I forget to duck? And yet, I keep forgetting.

:-(

Pavlov's Cat

I found that I have an unfortunate Pavlovian reaction to a certain sound.

I woke up the other day, before my alarm (it happens sometimes, even with only five hours sleep). I was sitting there, groggy-eyed, trying to plan my day, when the alarm went off.

I immediately leapt into action. Belying my previously sedentary status, as quick as a flash, and with the accuracy of a surgeon, my hand flew to the snooze button. Before I had fully realized what I had done, my OTHER hand had grabbed my cell-phone and flipped the lid open. The cell's alarm is synchronized (within a few seconds) with my clock radio, and my hand was already in position when the first beep sounded. Click. Snooze.

Alarms taken care of for now, my hands grabbed the blanket and pulled it around my body, and I was out like a light.

Nine minutes later, the alarms went off again, and I got out of bed. But the thing is, I was AWAKE before they went off the first time.

Darn habits.

NJ: If You Do The Wine, You Do The Time.

worst pun ever

This was linked from the local JET Yahoo Group, but since it has expired on the original site, I'm posting a copy from the cache here:

English teacher busted for using black and white copy of 1,000-yen note

ODATE, Akita -- A high school teacher has been arrested for using a black and white copy of a 1,000-yen note to pay a fare to a driver, police said Saturday.

Kazuya Ito, 31, an English teacher at Akita Prefectural Kosaka High School, is accused of using counterfeit currency.

His boss was apologetic about the incident. "It's not the kind of thing that a schoolteacher is allowed to do for fun, as counterfeit money incidents are serious problems. We apologize to our students and to their parents."

Ito handed a black and white copy of a new 1,000-yen bill to a driver in Odate at around 10:30 p.m. on Friday, police said.

The driver was initially unaware it was fake because it was dark inside the vehicle. However, he later noticed that it was black and white with the other side being blank, and alerted police. Ito had asked a transportation company to dispatch a man to drive his car after he got drunk with his colleagues.

The teacher used a copy machine to make a copy of the new 1,000-yen bill, and affixed a photo of a colleague to the watermark position, investigators said. Ito teaches English at Kosaka High School and is the homeroom teacher of a third-year class. (Mainichi Shimbun, Japan, Jan. 15, 2005)

Even I, with my color-blind eyes, can see the Japanese 1,000-yen bill (approx. $10) has color on it (check out this great page with pictures). And of course, the other side was BLANK. Additionally, it had a PHOTO OF A COLLEAGUE in the watermark position.

I say, if you can't tell the different between a black and white photocopy of a bill and the real thing, you have no one to blame but yourself. I mean, no one has ever passed the $1,000,000 bill, have they?

Don't You Hate It When...

...you're talking to your girlfriend about something you two did together a long time ago, and halfway through you remember that it was with your previous girlfriend, but you've already halfway convinced her that it happened and that she is the one with the bad memory?

...you download a Not Safe For Work file, because you're at work, and you'll forget the site by the time you get home, but then you forget about the file, and you open it when you're cleaning up your desktop, and you happen to be at work again, and you forgot to turn the speakers off?

...you sell your region-free DVD player right before moving to another country (because you are an IDIOT), and then you get DVDs for Christmas, and then you see what looks like a great player on someone else's blog, but then find out that Best Buy doesn't deliver to Japan?

I hate it when that happens.

NJ: Free Million $ Idea

Because I love you all (and because I'm far too busy to do it myself), I'm going to give you an idea of mine, free, GUARANTEED* to make you a millionaire! Just remember my finder's fee (10%) when you hit the big time:

Microwave Lids^®
Tired of messy splatters in your microwave every time you heat up a can of thick, delicious [INSERT CHILI SPONSOR HERE]? I know I am!

Tired of having to use [INSERT PLASTIC SPONSOR HERE] wrap to cover something you're only going to microwave for a minute? You better believe it!

Try a new Microwave Lid^©!

Microwave Lids^TM are flat, to cover any open container, and come in several sizes to fit your needs!

Microwave Lids^SM are made of microwavable plastic a space-age clear polymer that wipes clean with a damp cloth!

What are you waiting for? Run to your nearest [INSERT STORE SPONSOR HERE] and pick up some, today! Right now! Go, go, go! Storm the front!

*Guarantee not guaranteed.